11 December 2014

The Clash of the Secular and the Holy--Doyle Style

It was Palm Sunday 1998 and the priest had all the children up front talking about Holy Week.  He asked, “Who knows what will happen on Thursday?” and many hands went up.  They all shared their answers.  Then he asked, “Who knows what Good Friday is?”  Only Sarah Katherine’s little 3 year old hand went up.  I moved to the front of my pew feeling so proud as only first time parents who have yet to be humiliated enough in public do.  “Yes, Sarah Katherine” he kindly acknowledged her hand.  Very proudly she reported, “It’s when the Easter Bunny nails Jesus to the cross.”  I really tried to slink under the pew, but I was holding a 3 month old and a 20 month old, so it was not to be.  The congregation burst out laughing; I turned bright red, and SK continued to sit proudly certain she had answered brilliantly.  (That was back when she didn’t think she failed everything only to get an A; I’m sure a therapist could have a field day with how that happened, and I’m sure I can be blamed.)  I remember the priest looking over at me with kindness (or was it sympathy or judgment) in his eyes as he said, “And that my fellow brothers and sisters is a wonderful example of church and culture clashing. Thank you Sarah Katherine.”

We are in the midst of the Advent season; it is a different season than Christmas, and yet culture has melded the two along with Santa, Frosty and the Heat Miser.  As parents rearing our children in the church we struggle with how to both keep the season holy and focused while all around us the frenzy of commercial Christmas churns.  And if I’m honest, I want my children to have both.  I want them to understand the holiness of Advent—the season of waiting; the miracle of Christmas and God’s amazing love AND I want them to put cookies and milk out for Santa (okay I’ll be honest we put out cookies and bourbon—Santa deserves it! Who knows he may be lactose intolerant—everyone else is these days), feed the reindeer and participate in parties.  It’s a conflict many of us face.  Here are a few ideas that have worked for our family.  I’d love to hear yours.

1.       We put our decorations up minus our tree in early December.  The tree goes up the night before Christmas Eve and is decorated Christmas Eve morning.  (For all of you with small children full of energy and impatience on this LONG day, it gives them a focus.  But beware, if you have a 3 year old Caroline she might tell your neighbor, “Having a tree up already is inappropriate.”
2.      Light the advent wreath every night at the dinner table.  Yes, the candles will be small nubs by Christmas Eve, but it will set the tone.
3.      We put our crèches out but not baby Jesus or the wise men.  Christmas morning one child places him in the manger (which is why if you have multiple children it’s a good idea to have multiple crèches—fights on Christmas morning really kill the spirit.)
4.      Use purple napkins throughout the month and then bring out special ones on Christmas Eve.
5.      Read a Christmas book every night of December and alternate between secular and holy.
6.      Leave your tree up until Jan. 6.
7.      The wise men arrive at the crèche on the morning of January 6.
8.      We used to give a gift a day for the 12 days of Christmas (but that was when a pack of lifesavers was considered a “good” gift).

Have a blessed Advent and Christmas season.  (I think SK now understands Good Friday—I’ll let you know)