"UGHH!" said Caroline as she threw herself and her back pack in the front seat after school yesterday. (And trust me the throwing a 5' 10" body around plus an oversized backpack certainly makes an impression on the driver. I gripped the steering wheel as the car shook a little.) Rachel calmly got into the back seat bursting into uncontrollable laughter. It is always a risk asking Caroline how her day was--you never know what antics have happened, but when her best friend is in hysterics, you can pretty safely assume you're not going to get a G rated answer. But I asked anyway...
"The day was fine until the end," started Caroline. "Then Garrett decided he wanted to pickpocket my backpack, so he reached into the pocket and pulled out a TAMPON! Then he was embarrassed when he realized what it was so he threw it across the floor." Rachel is now doubled over in laughter trying desperately to breathe as she says, "And Caroline ran over there to pick it up without her backpack so she had to carry it back in her hand!" Caroline, "I had to go get it--Mama you tell me they're expensive, plus I need to always be prepared. But then Garrett wanted to talk to me. Really?!?!?!?" "I'm sorry," I said, "That does sound like a bad way to end the day." "Oh no," interrupted Caroline, "That wasn't the bad part. The bad part was I had another fight with Ross." "Caroline," I tried to calmly say, "You have to leave Ross alone. He's a senior; he doesn't want to deal with you." Caroline abruptly turned her body to face me (well as much as you can turn a 5' 10" body in a seat belt) and with complete annoyance she shrieked, "HE STARTED IT!!" I was having a very hard time believing a senior boy started an argument with an 8th grader, so I asked the question... "Well," Caroline said as she settled down in her seat, "He walked by me and gave me a mean look so I said, 'Why are you always looking at me mean?' and then I said to Gingi (her nickname for another senior boy), 'Make him stop being mean to me all the time.' so Gingi told him to leave me alone (well he used some words you don't like but you get the point.) And then I said, 'why are you so mean?' and he said because you're annoying. So," continued Caroline without taking a breath, "I asked him how I was annoying. And he said like when you just walk up to random senior boys and hold their hands. Can you believe it Mama? He's holding what I did last semester against me?" While Caroline was now forced to take a breath so she didn't pass out I was desperately trying to come up with an answer---last fall she would walk up to random boys and hold their hands as they walked down the hall. There was a part of me that was horrified, a part of me that was amused, and honestly a part of me that secretly envied her self confidence. "Well," I said, "Maybe not all the boys thought it was as funny as Gingi did." Caroline had me so befuddled now I was using the nickname! Caroline, "Like I told him--you shouldn't hold what I did last semester against me; I was so much less mature." I was trying to stifle my laughter as I said, "Maybe you should just leave him alone." "I will when he stops giving me mean looks." Clearly she is so much more mature. Lord have mercy...
Later that afternoon SK and I were catching up on her day. "Can I just go ahead and click this accept button for UVA?" "ABSOLUTELY!" I exclaimed. Now I was ready to talk about choosing dorms (definitely Old Dorms), room mates, colors etc but instead I heard, "I heard Ross and Caroline got in another argument today." "How in the world did you hear about it already? You go to a totally different school and it JUST happened?" SK, "It happens all the time and they both start texting me telling me how annoying the other one is." I could only shake my head as I tried to figure out a way to not go to the lacrosse games--it was so cold and windy. SK reading my mind, "If you don't go you'll feel guilty and never get over it. You'll keep telling yourself how you aren't seeing them for a whole week, what a terrible mother you are, and next week will be miserable for me on the cruise." I wanted to comment on how she was making it about her, but she had a point and so I left wondering if I needed a disguise so Ross' parents wouldn't recognize that I was the mother of the annoying 8th grader who fortunately didn't want to go.
After the game we all went to dinner where we watched basketball and excitedly talked about our different spring break plans. "You know Mama, a lot of people are going to Panama City and that place is wild." Christopher informed me. "One of my teachers told me that 60% of people between the ages of 15 and 18 years old get in some type of trouble down there." I thought about asking how you could possibly collect that data but I was also relieved that none of mine were going there whether the survey was statistically significant or not. I really should have turned it into a stats lesson because SK pipes up, "Yeah last year a bunch of girls came back from Panama with chlamydia." "Chla what?" asked Caroline "An STD" SK answered matter-of-factly. Caroline, "That would be awful to have some disease you couldn't even pronounce." Now while I was trying to get my head around that comment and turn this into a health lesson stressing that not being able to pronounce it would be the least of your problems Christopher interjected, "You know how bad our defense has been lately?" I must have looked as perplexed as I felt; all I could think was this conversation was going somewhere related to the saying 'slipped one past the goalie' (so I really am a 15 year old boy at heart) because Christopher exasperatedly continued, "the lacrosse defense." (He secretly knows I'm a 15 year old boy at heart) "Anyway, we haven't had much energy; have looked pretty dead. So I told Ross (oh boy here we go again) that we needed to do the nay nay and he said, 'shut up Doyle' But then we did it and did you see how awesome we were tonight? We had a whole new level of energy. Now Ross has to admit I'm right. We'll probably do it every game." And now they are all demonstrating the nay nay (a dance) as I watched the glasses positive that one was about to go sailing off the table. "He probably is annoyed with you because you're a Doyle. He and Caroline got in another argument today." I explained. At this William put his head in his hands. "Please Caroline," he begged "you've got to stop. Do you know how much hazing I'm going to get from him because of you? It's going to hurt." Caroline, "I can't let him get away with it. Until he stops looking mean at me I'm not going to stop annoying him." "Caroline," Christopher tried to explain, "William really will get hazed--he's a freshman." Caroline looked around the table smugly and then directly at William and said, "Guess you'll have to take one for the team--the Doyle team."
I am so glad it's spring break--I bet Ross is too.
28 March 2014
07 March 2014
And then the tampons fell out....
Today was quite the day...
It all started when my phone rang and a good friend said, "Don't panic if you look outside and see me hanging out around the truck I'm trying to fix the grill on the front and to figure out what's wrong with the tire." This is an important detail--it's really the backdrop of the whole day. The truck is sitting in the driveway because there is "something wrong with the tire" which is code language for "I don't know what the hell is wrong with it, but it won't drive so let's call Walt." Bottom line, Boss wasn't driving the truck today. Bottom line, no one was driving what they should have been....
Boss is working this week in way downtown for Catholic Social Services. It's been a great week and a learning experience (he fell asleep at 7:30 pm last night with the words, "I need to get back to school; taking care of all these little kids is exhausting." Welcome to my world for the past 18 years buddy!) Anyway, we decided he needed to drive SK's volvo, she would drive Chris' acura (he's in Finland) and I temporarily drove my car--the nicest and newest--I am the Queen. BUT, Boss is supposed to go camping tonight and the volvo might not make it, the acura might get stuck, so I said he should take my car. Plus I knew the mother of the property would confiscate keys! An aside, this was a small relief as when he asked if he could go out to the Howard's property for camping all I could think was "he's going to try to take his truck four wheeling and he doesn't know how!" My wonderful husband thought I was being a little neurotic, but he didn't know me in high school...so back to today. The plan was Boss and I would switch cars before his lax practice and the venture onto camping.
I had a wonderful coffee with a friend that went a little longer than I planned; I had to be somewhere at 3 and my car was on empty. I had planned to fill it up. I tried to call Boss--no answer. I tried to text Boss--no response, and here's where it got interesting. My neurotic 'I can't completely trust this child that I birthed self' kicked in and my finger found the find friends app before I could stop it. It identified that he was in the park (what it failed to identify was the his school is also in the park--a fact I also forgot) and so I went into hyper crazy mom role imagining what he was doing in the park and started following the tracking ALL OVER. As I was driving watching my 'miles to empty' settings go down imaging all the things he could be up to, I was also incessantly calling him--no answer. Fifteen minutes later (and 10 minutes before I was supposed to be at my appointment) he calls, "Sorry I didn't answer I was driving." I began to question, okay shriek, where have you been? This is why we don't trust you." "Mama," he calmly responded, "We had to turn in our journals, and then we went to qdoba." Now, even though he didn't know that I had been zig zagging all over the place like a hamster on a habitrail (those of you who have been through Cherokee Park understand), I felt like I had to save face. "I didn't give you permission to go to qdoba. I need you to get my car; it needs gas, and I need to be somewhere. Your little sister is at school with a headache and needs to be picked up; if I'd known you were going to be there you could have gotten her. I've sent your sister." "Mama," my annoyingly calm child said, "How can I help? What can I do to make this easier for you? I'll meet you right now." (By the way because I'd been following him we were only blocks apart--well maybe you should forget that part.) I sputtered some more, told him I didn't have time to meet him, but then came up with a plan--meet me at my appointment, get my car and my debit card, go get gas, and then leave my debit card at home.
True confessions here--the appointment was my therapist (I know I'm so introverted about what I share with the world that this is shocking to you that I would admit it). I arrive and tell Becky that Boss is going to come get the keys. As I prepare to settle in, debate whether or not to admit how neurotic I've been for the past 30 minutes--I mean who among us didn't take pit stops from one location to another when we were in high school? The beauty for us over 40 was our neurotic parents didn't have an app to track us. Just then, Boss shows up and is POLITE!!! No acting like he's embarrassed that he's picking up keys from his mother's therapist's office, just that annoyingly charming smile, and a "It's nice to meet you." like he's meeting my long lost best high school friend. Now she'll never believe what a s*** he can be!!! But back to me..
My phone was dying so I borrowed her charger and then started telling her all about what was going on in my life, a husband that is constantly traveling, (he's in Finland right now), a child puking in Alabama, a child with a concussion, a charming untrustworthy son, and SK acting like (can you believe it?) she wants to go to college--far away! Not to mention a few other things I won't mention--I do have to keep some things secret. Both of us were trying to ignore the phone that, while on silent,,was blowing up! Session ended--I looked at my phone, said this better be serious and walked out--six missed calls from Boss and three from SK plus a voice mail. "Mama, it's SK. Don't panic but Christopher has been in an accident; he's okay but I have the car insurance in my car so I'm taking it to him." I called Boss said I was on my way and then called SK. "I'm sorry Mama but I forgot to put the insurance back in the car after my accident last week. I know I should have; please don't be mad." Me trying not to imagine the insurance rates climbing and climbing and climbing, "Did you take the insurance out of my car as well?" "No." "He's in MY car" I yelled. SK, "What? Why? Why are we constantly changing cars around? Why does he have your car? This is so confusing. Do I need to even come?" Me, "Just come with the papers; I'll meet you there."
I found Boss; he seemed fine; car doesn't look terrible, but I'm sure it's at least $1000 worth of damage. "Dude, are you sure you couldn't find the insurance in here?" "Mama, I have no idea what that looks like, but I looked through everything and didn't find anything that looks like insurance." I opened the glove compartment determined to show him how completely inept he was and how much I knew. As I opened the glove compartment many things fell out. "Yeah Mama, that was the other great thing. The cop walked up to my car, I opened the glove compartment and your tampons fell out. That was fun to explain. I can't find an insurance card but I have plenty of tampons."
SK arrived; insurance card given and then I realized said child with a concussion was still at school. Second whig out of the afternoon for me--GO GET HER!!!! SK takes off; we finish the paper work. Christopher says, "My neck does hurt a little bit but I have to get to lacrosse. The coach might make me run." My head is about to pop off as I yell, "FOR BEING IN AN ACCIDENT!!! THAT IS INSANE. (Policeman trying not to let me see his belly shaking as he silently laughs) And what about your neck?" "It'll be fine; don't worry. I've got to go." Well I certainly wasn't going to settle for that--I have a child with a concussion; all these injuries are impacting my life!!! We get the neck injury (or possible neck injury) into the accident report and I let him leave with many warnings about what to do if he feels worse, what not to do, and saying a silent prayer of thanks that the truck is stuck in our driveway and not able to go four wheeling (there was a small part of me that felt sorry he wouldn't have that fun--a VERY small part!)...
Keep up here; Boss is now in my car, SK is in the acura and I'm in the volvo station wagon with 174,000 miles on it. As I'm driving home I call Chris, in Finland. He already knows about the accident. I'm doing everything in my power not to begin to beg, "Please dear God just come home." Instead I look down at the dash board and say, "It says no oil pressure pull over what does that mean?" Now Chris bellows, "IT MEANS THAT THE 2500 dollars WE JUST SPENT WERE A WASTE!" Then he calms down and says, "We'll handle it on Tuesday when I get home." (That would be before he leaves again on Thursday--do you hear me whining?)
SK and concussed child arrive home at the same time as I do. Caroline, "What are we doing tonight?" I said, "I'm going to have drinks with Miss Jamie." And I thought, "And I may never come home..." Caroline, "I should come." "YOU ARE 13!!!" We come into the house. SK, "You know today would be the day that the house was locked up. I came rushing home to get the insurance papers and all the doors were locked. They're never locked!" (That would be because no one except me ever locks the doors!) "How did you get in?" "I climbed through the window-what do you think?" (Oh silly me, why wouldn't I think that, because that is a completely normal thing for anyone to do.) I look over see Caroline popping ibuprofen and begin to lecture her about pushing herself with a concussion yadda yadda yadda. Caroline, "I have a lot of homework; I'm stressed about it. I can't let this go." Me, "This is the time you want to start caring about your grades? It's 8th grade--it doesn't count. We don't care; let it go." (who is this crazy woman speaking from my mouth). "Mama, I do care. I've always cared. I just don't act like" Caroline began nodding in SK's direction. SK opened her mouth I thought to defend herself and her neurotic grade obsessed self, but instead she says, "Something smells. I think Avett pooped in the house. You should find that; it smells awful."
Poop found, cleaned up, candle lit for smell, and I left for drinks. It was a great day, and now it's over--oops, no it's not, still have to pick up Alabama puking kid at 1 am...
It all started when my phone rang and a good friend said, "Don't panic if you look outside and see me hanging out around the truck I'm trying to fix the grill on the front and to figure out what's wrong with the tire." This is an important detail--it's really the backdrop of the whole day. The truck is sitting in the driveway because there is "something wrong with the tire" which is code language for "I don't know what the hell is wrong with it, but it won't drive so let's call Walt." Bottom line, Boss wasn't driving the truck today. Bottom line, no one was driving what they should have been....
Boss is working this week in way downtown for Catholic Social Services. It's been a great week and a learning experience (he fell asleep at 7:30 pm last night with the words, "I need to get back to school; taking care of all these little kids is exhausting." Welcome to my world for the past 18 years buddy!) Anyway, we decided he needed to drive SK's volvo, she would drive Chris' acura (he's in Finland) and I temporarily drove my car--the nicest and newest--I am the Queen. BUT, Boss is supposed to go camping tonight and the volvo might not make it, the acura might get stuck, so I said he should take my car. Plus I knew the mother of the property would confiscate keys! An aside, this was a small relief as when he asked if he could go out to the Howard's property for camping all I could think was "he's going to try to take his truck four wheeling and he doesn't know how!" My wonderful husband thought I was being a little neurotic, but he didn't know me in high school...so back to today. The plan was Boss and I would switch cars before his lax practice and the venture onto camping.
I had a wonderful coffee with a friend that went a little longer than I planned; I had to be somewhere at 3 and my car was on empty. I had planned to fill it up. I tried to call Boss--no answer. I tried to text Boss--no response, and here's where it got interesting. My neurotic 'I can't completely trust this child that I birthed self' kicked in and my finger found the find friends app before I could stop it. It identified that he was in the park (what it failed to identify was the his school is also in the park--a fact I also forgot) and so I went into hyper crazy mom role imagining what he was doing in the park and started following the tracking ALL OVER. As I was driving watching my 'miles to empty' settings go down imaging all the things he could be up to, I was also incessantly calling him--no answer. Fifteen minutes later (and 10 minutes before I was supposed to be at my appointment) he calls, "Sorry I didn't answer I was driving." I began to question, okay shriek, where have you been? This is why we don't trust you." "Mama," he calmly responded, "We had to turn in our journals, and then we went to qdoba." Now, even though he didn't know that I had been zig zagging all over the place like a hamster on a habitrail (those of you who have been through Cherokee Park understand), I felt like I had to save face. "I didn't give you permission to go to qdoba. I need you to get my car; it needs gas, and I need to be somewhere. Your little sister is at school with a headache and needs to be picked up; if I'd known you were going to be there you could have gotten her. I've sent your sister." "Mama," my annoyingly calm child said, "How can I help? What can I do to make this easier for you? I'll meet you right now." (By the way because I'd been following him we were only blocks apart--well maybe you should forget that part.) I sputtered some more, told him I didn't have time to meet him, but then came up with a plan--meet me at my appointment, get my car and my debit card, go get gas, and then leave my debit card at home.
True confessions here--the appointment was my therapist (I know I'm so introverted about what I share with the world that this is shocking to you that I would admit it). I arrive and tell Becky that Boss is going to come get the keys. As I prepare to settle in, debate whether or not to admit how neurotic I've been for the past 30 minutes--I mean who among us didn't take pit stops from one location to another when we were in high school? The beauty for us over 40 was our neurotic parents didn't have an app to track us. Just then, Boss shows up and is POLITE!!! No acting like he's embarrassed that he's picking up keys from his mother's therapist's office, just that annoyingly charming smile, and a "It's nice to meet you." like he's meeting my long lost best high school friend. Now she'll never believe what a s*** he can be!!! But back to me..
My phone was dying so I borrowed her charger and then started telling her all about what was going on in my life, a husband that is constantly traveling, (he's in Finland right now), a child puking in Alabama, a child with a concussion, a charming untrustworthy son, and SK acting like (can you believe it?) she wants to go to college--far away! Not to mention a few other things I won't mention--I do have to keep some things secret. Both of us were trying to ignore the phone that, while on silent,,was blowing up! Session ended--I looked at my phone, said this better be serious and walked out--six missed calls from Boss and three from SK plus a voice mail. "Mama, it's SK. Don't panic but Christopher has been in an accident; he's okay but I have the car insurance in my car so I'm taking it to him." I called Boss said I was on my way and then called SK. "I'm sorry Mama but I forgot to put the insurance back in the car after my accident last week. I know I should have; please don't be mad." Me trying not to imagine the insurance rates climbing and climbing and climbing, "Did you take the insurance out of my car as well?" "No." "He's in MY car" I yelled. SK, "What? Why? Why are we constantly changing cars around? Why does he have your car? This is so confusing. Do I need to even come?" Me, "Just come with the papers; I'll meet you there."
I found Boss; he seemed fine; car doesn't look terrible, but I'm sure it's at least $1000 worth of damage. "Dude, are you sure you couldn't find the insurance in here?" "Mama, I have no idea what that looks like, but I looked through everything and didn't find anything that looks like insurance." I opened the glove compartment determined to show him how completely inept he was and how much I knew. As I opened the glove compartment many things fell out. "Yeah Mama, that was the other great thing. The cop walked up to my car, I opened the glove compartment and your tampons fell out. That was fun to explain. I can't find an insurance card but I have plenty of tampons."
SK arrived; insurance card given and then I realized said child with a concussion was still at school. Second whig out of the afternoon for me--GO GET HER!!!! SK takes off; we finish the paper work. Christopher says, "My neck does hurt a little bit but I have to get to lacrosse. The coach might make me run." My head is about to pop off as I yell, "FOR BEING IN AN ACCIDENT!!! THAT IS INSANE. (Policeman trying not to let me see his belly shaking as he silently laughs) And what about your neck?" "It'll be fine; don't worry. I've got to go." Well I certainly wasn't going to settle for that--I have a child with a concussion; all these injuries are impacting my life!!! We get the neck injury (or possible neck injury) into the accident report and I let him leave with many warnings about what to do if he feels worse, what not to do, and saying a silent prayer of thanks that the truck is stuck in our driveway and not able to go four wheeling (there was a small part of me that felt sorry he wouldn't have that fun--a VERY small part!)...
Keep up here; Boss is now in my car, SK is in the acura and I'm in the volvo station wagon with 174,000 miles on it. As I'm driving home I call Chris, in Finland. He already knows about the accident. I'm doing everything in my power not to begin to beg, "Please dear God just come home." Instead I look down at the dash board and say, "It says no oil pressure pull over what does that mean?" Now Chris bellows, "IT MEANS THAT THE 2500 dollars WE JUST SPENT WERE A WASTE!" Then he calms down and says, "We'll handle it on Tuesday when I get home." (That would be before he leaves again on Thursday--do you hear me whining?)
SK and concussed child arrive home at the same time as I do. Caroline, "What are we doing tonight?" I said, "I'm going to have drinks with Miss Jamie." And I thought, "And I may never come home..." Caroline, "I should come." "YOU ARE 13!!!" We come into the house. SK, "You know today would be the day that the house was locked up. I came rushing home to get the insurance papers and all the doors were locked. They're never locked!" (That would be because no one except me ever locks the doors!) "How did you get in?" "I climbed through the window-what do you think?" (Oh silly me, why wouldn't I think that, because that is a completely normal thing for anyone to do.) I look over see Caroline popping ibuprofen and begin to lecture her about pushing herself with a concussion yadda yadda yadda. Caroline, "I have a lot of homework; I'm stressed about it. I can't let this go." Me, "This is the time you want to start caring about your grades? It's 8th grade--it doesn't count. We don't care; let it go." (who is this crazy woman speaking from my mouth). "Mama, I do care. I've always cared. I just don't act like" Caroline began nodding in SK's direction. SK opened her mouth I thought to defend herself and her neurotic grade obsessed self, but instead she says, "Something smells. I think Avett pooped in the house. You should find that; it smells awful."
Poop found, cleaned up, candle lit for smell, and I left for drinks. It was a great day, and now it's over--oops, no it's not, still have to pick up Alabama puking kid at 1 am...
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