Caroline was so grumpy as we left the lacrosse field Saturday morning. They had tied after being ahead most of the game. She didn't think she'dplayed well and she was really down on herself. I kept trying to get her to smile and none of my usual antics were working. She was not impressed with my dancing in the parking lot or singing--this new competitive Caroline is going to take getting used to!
William wanted Brueggers bagels and Caroline wanted a salad from Chop Shop--another thing to get used to Caroline asking for nutritious meals. They're across the street from each other, so both could be happy--score for Mama and Daddy--two kids wanting different things and we can do both with minimal effort. Caroline did not perk up during lunch a fact made clear when she tried to stab William's hand with her fork (plastic) when he touched her pita bread. Fortunately for Caroline I was being sidetracked by her sister texting me from traffic school and explaining to me that she was pretty sure this is what hell was like and perhaps I could work that into a sermon sometime. (I love getting sermon advice from the children; most of the time it is just 'make sure it's short'.)
As we walked into the house Caroline saw Boss eating ice cream. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!" she shouted, "HOW COME NO ONE TOLD ME WE HAVE ICE CREAM?" I refrained from saying either, "It's a state secret" which would have been obnoxiously sarcastic or "So much for eating healthy" which would have been both obnoxiously sarcastic and mean. Instead I said, "you're welcome to have some." "Oh don't worry," she responded as she began to dish it out, "I plan to." (I also refrained from chastising Boss for eating directly out of the container; he'd just awakened after being out on his blind prom date. That's another post..)
At this moment William walked into the kitchen, "What we have ice cream? No one told me." Seriously I do not hide ice cream (I do however hide my special oatcake cookies..). Boss, "I found it just by opening the freezer door." Caroline glared at him. "Can I have some?" William asked. "NO!" Caroline shrieked as she glared. "What is wrong with her Mama?" William asked me. I was about to say, "How much time do you have?" but I was stopped by Caroline saying, "I'm PMSing, you're not. I get ice cream." At this moment the basement door opened and Laney a sleep over friend emerged--I thought she'd left earlier in the morning. Obviously the shrieking was enough to wake her even though her phone ringing wasn't--welcome to the Doyle's! William began treading into dangerous waters when he said, "So just because you're a girl you get ice cream whenever you want?" "Yes," Caroline spat out, "Do you have to put up with this every month?" I looked over at William and saw in his eyes what he was thinking; I silently said Anne Lamott's quick Help prayer willing him not to say, "Actually yes I do have to put up with it every month THROUGH YOU!!!" He didn't say it--crisis averted! "Laney," I sweetly asked, "Would you like some ice cream?" "Yes please," she answered without shrieking--she is welcome ANYTIME! Caroline glared at me and perhaps at Laney too. We are so hospitable.
She finished scooping out her ice cream, left the container on the counter (I assumed it was so William and Laney could actually get some--at least that's what I chose to assume so I didn't have to fuss at her for not cleaning up after herself), walked into the den and said, "I'm going to just go in here, be grumpy, eat my ice cream and wait for my uterine lining to shed."
William silently scooped out his ice cream and offered to make Laney a milkshake. without asking her about her uterine lining--he's learning. His wife can thank us now.
28 April 2014
24 April 2014
My Multiple Personalities
Last week I sat in my therapist's office telling her how I felt like I had multiple personality disorder. "I don't know who I am half the time, and I don't have time to even sit down and figure it out, " I whined. As she often so elegantly does she simply responded, "I'm sure you do feel that way. You have four teenagers, work a full time chaotic job, and have a husband who travels. It's really quite nuts." Yes, I pay her for stating the obvious--happy to hand her card out to anyone; she is AMAZING at stating the obvious. Yesterday was certainly one of those MMP days.
Woke up to the smell of dog poo poo. Boss woke up first; Avett (the dog) is trained to do his business as soon as someone comes downstairs (which typically is me which also means I know to put him out immediately). So I gag as I clean up the mess, spray the lysol, light the candle and make the coffee. The husband is out of town, four teenagers scrambling to get to school with lacrosse uniforms in tow for the 4:30 game. Oh wait, that's not how it happened--Caroline stepped on a large tack in her room; goes all the way into her foot; we all gather around her. Boss calls her Ricky Bobby as we convince her to pull out the tack so it "doesn't have to be cut out with a knife at the hospital." I head to check immunization records while Boss and William hope she has to get a tetnus shot (brothers are so loving). I think, "I really don't have time to take her in for a shot." (Mama's are so practical) We're good for another four months--note to self make doctor's appointments now. SK convinces Caroline to be a decoy in the yard so she could get in her car and not be shot by another senior (with a water gun); Caroline is running/limping decoy which makes her late being prepared which sends Boss into a fit. William kept a very low profile, kissed me good bye and climbed into the truck. I headed out for a quick run before heading to the hospital to say prayers before a surgery. Oh yeah and between this time I did some laundry, vacuumed the house and tried to keep my neighbors and my children from killing Bobby the barking dog.
As I returned from my run I remembered I hadn't put the plastic spoons in the car to go with the mandarin oranges for the team meal--which made me thinking about lacrosse games. JV at 4:15 and Varsity at 6:00--debated asking the boys if I could just come to JV so I could go to an Al Anon meeting at 6:00--decided to do it. (They're quite used to getting texts from me asking these bizarre things.) No problem they both said. So off to the hospital I went.
As often happens at a hospital, everything was backed up. I sat with the family for awhile and then realized I wasn't going to have time to get downtown to get my vestments for the 1:00 pm funeral that was way out east. Thank goodness for best friends who are also priests--quick text to Emily--yep I can use hers. As I'm leaving the hospital I see Costco-Mama mode clicks in--they need razors, deodorant and q-tips--forgot the Q-tips but got rotisserie chicken salad and hummus. I consider that a win. Off to St. Matthews to get Emily's vestments; pop into the nursery to see Charlotte (she smiled and waved her arms--yep walking on air). Rushed home to put the hummus and chicken in the fridge and then out to Middleton for the funeral. What an honor it is to be a part of these celebrations of life! I decided to drive myself to the cemetery since it was across from Collegiate where I had to have the team meal put out by 3:15--multi tasking at its best. As I'm driving down the interstate I return several calls (driving slowly and using speaker of course). I should have stopped when I made one call and had to ask, "Who is this? I can't remember who I just called." Person answered and I responded, "Why did I call you?" Yep--obviously too much going on. While driving Caroline texts me she has detention and won't be done until 3:45--lucky for her I'm not going to be mad about the time as I've got pregame meal--detention madness to be determined.
As I was walking behind the body to the graveside trying not to sink because I was still in my heels because once again I forgot to have a pair of flats in the car for just this purpose, I remembered that the last time I had pregame meal I also had a funeral--note to self remind everyone to be very careful next time I'm scheduled for pregame meal. Got to school, meal set out, impromptu golf scramble meeting, Caroline finished with detention, jump in the car to head to lacrosse; I'm starting to relax. Big mistake--phone rings. Boss, "I don't have my uniform shorts can you run home and get them on the way to the game?" Picture a triangle here--the points are the locations where I was, where I was going, and where the house is--but of course, what else am I going to do? Return another phone call as I rush home, run upstairs (still in the heels), grab the shorts and back in the car. "Caroline," I say, "I'll get as close as I can to the field jump out and give him his shorts." Boss sees us coming--they run towards each other like long lost lovers in a field of daisy's with sappy music playing. Boss grabs the shorts and I wonder where he's going to change--stupid waste of time wondering that--drops his shorts right there on the sidelines, grabs his stick, and races onto the field. Great game--Doyle brothers on defense--big win! I'm getting ready to leave the field when I see William warming up for Varsity. WHAT?!?!?!?! This is not what's supposed to happen. I have a plan and my plan is to leave--how can I leave if this might be his first ever varsity lacrosse game not to mention (and really the reason) what if he gets hurt and I'm not here? So I sit back down and Caroline yells down the bleachers, "Aren't you leaving for Al Anon?" Now I'm transparent, but...
By half time I realize that he's most likely not going to be going in and I'm exhausted and uncomfortable, so I roll the dice and decide that it's worth the possible need for more therapy if he does get in (I've got a great therapist remember?) and head home. Another impromptu golf scramble meeting in the parking lot and I'm out of the parking lot. Just as I settle down in front of the news with a glass of wine the phone rings- (I really don't have good luck with ringing phones)-"will you be there in 10 minutes. I've got SK's car ready." We've been waiting for this new (1990 lexus) car for SK; Chris is getting home tonight, we need this car, so I sigh and say yes. Walt gets to the house with the car and I say, "let me get my purse and I'll drive you home." Grabbed my purse but no shoes-I have on socks and my feet are still tired. As I arrive at Walt's the phone starts blowing up--"where are we going to dinner?" We make a decision; I think I have plenty of time so I go into Walt's to talk to Andrea for a few minutes. Phone continues blowing up; they're already there. I text SK and tell her where to go but don't tell her I have her car. We get there at the same time--excitement and it's a way to be incognito until someone learns she has a new car--yep this is the way we think in our house during Senior Soaker season. Boss looks down, "Mama! You don't have on any shoes; they're never going to let you in." I just walked in--at this point I just want to actually finish a beer and eat. We're sitting at the table when SK's anxiety begins to rise; physics is calling her name so she decides not to wait--grabs her guns off the table (how many people can say that), enlists Caroline to run decoy again and she's gone. During dinner I'm trying to explain to Boss why his prom date doesn't want to go to prom in his truck. He is really not getting it. He tells me he offered to build her a step stool; I offer my car. "No way! That's a total soccer mom car." (great now I have another personality to had to my diagnosis). We eat and head home.
As we get home I begin to think about relaxing again--Boss, "SK why do you care so much about grades when you're already in UVA? You just can't fail." He grabs her water gun and starts shooting her (yes this was in my dining room). She gets wet but more importantly her physics notebook gets wet and she bursts into tears. Boss clearly recognizes this isn't a joke and races upstairs to get the hair dryer. (Text from Chris--his already late plane is going to be later; he offers to take a cab. I know I shouldn't do it but I agree.) The physics notebook is saved; Caroline is laughing hysterically which gets her ambushed by both big kids with water guns (yes still in my dining room). William, "Does anyone know where my back pack is?" All I can think is it better not be at the field; I should have been thinking, "It's 10 o'clock and you're just realizing you don't have your backpack--homework dude!" Backpack found--I begin to sit down again thinking I'll have some silence when Caroline says, "Mama are we going to bed or watching some crime show?" I know one day she isn't going to want to hang out with me--crime show it is. Both of us begin to fall asleep so we decide to head upstairs where I remind her she can't sleep with me because Daddy will be home tonight.
As I climb into bed I have a brief moment of clarity (read sanity), "Yep, Becky's right. It is nuts; guess I'll just have to embrace it." And so I wake up this morning again believing I have control...
Therapy appointment set for next week...
Woke up to the smell of dog poo poo. Boss woke up first; Avett (the dog) is trained to do his business as soon as someone comes downstairs (which typically is me which also means I know to put him out immediately). So I gag as I clean up the mess, spray the lysol, light the candle and make the coffee. The husband is out of town, four teenagers scrambling to get to school with lacrosse uniforms in tow for the 4:30 game. Oh wait, that's not how it happened--Caroline stepped on a large tack in her room; goes all the way into her foot; we all gather around her. Boss calls her Ricky Bobby as we convince her to pull out the tack so it "doesn't have to be cut out with a knife at the hospital." I head to check immunization records while Boss and William hope she has to get a tetnus shot (brothers are so loving). I think, "I really don't have time to take her in for a shot." (Mama's are so practical) We're good for another four months--note to self make doctor's appointments now. SK convinces Caroline to be a decoy in the yard so she could get in her car and not be shot by another senior (with a water gun); Caroline is running/limping decoy which makes her late being prepared which sends Boss into a fit. William kept a very low profile, kissed me good bye and climbed into the truck. I headed out for a quick run before heading to the hospital to say prayers before a surgery. Oh yeah and between this time I did some laundry, vacuumed the house and tried to keep my neighbors and my children from killing Bobby the barking dog.
As I returned from my run I remembered I hadn't put the plastic spoons in the car to go with the mandarin oranges for the team meal--which made me thinking about lacrosse games. JV at 4:15 and Varsity at 6:00--debated asking the boys if I could just come to JV so I could go to an Al Anon meeting at 6:00--decided to do it. (They're quite used to getting texts from me asking these bizarre things.) No problem they both said. So off to the hospital I went.
As often happens at a hospital, everything was backed up. I sat with the family for awhile and then realized I wasn't going to have time to get downtown to get my vestments for the 1:00 pm funeral that was way out east. Thank goodness for best friends who are also priests--quick text to Emily--yep I can use hers. As I'm leaving the hospital I see Costco-Mama mode clicks in--they need razors, deodorant and q-tips--forgot the Q-tips but got rotisserie chicken salad and hummus. I consider that a win. Off to St. Matthews to get Emily's vestments; pop into the nursery to see Charlotte (she smiled and waved her arms--yep walking on air). Rushed home to put the hummus and chicken in the fridge and then out to Middleton for the funeral. What an honor it is to be a part of these celebrations of life! I decided to drive myself to the cemetery since it was across from Collegiate where I had to have the team meal put out by 3:15--multi tasking at its best. As I'm driving down the interstate I return several calls (driving slowly and using speaker of course). I should have stopped when I made one call and had to ask, "Who is this? I can't remember who I just called." Person answered and I responded, "Why did I call you?" Yep--obviously too much going on. While driving Caroline texts me she has detention and won't be done until 3:45--lucky for her I'm not going to be mad about the time as I've got pregame meal--detention madness to be determined.
As I was walking behind the body to the graveside trying not to sink because I was still in my heels because once again I forgot to have a pair of flats in the car for just this purpose, I remembered that the last time I had pregame meal I also had a funeral--note to self remind everyone to be very careful next time I'm scheduled for pregame meal. Got to school, meal set out, impromptu golf scramble meeting, Caroline finished with detention, jump in the car to head to lacrosse; I'm starting to relax. Big mistake--phone rings. Boss, "I don't have my uniform shorts can you run home and get them on the way to the game?" Picture a triangle here--the points are the locations where I was, where I was going, and where the house is--but of course, what else am I going to do? Return another phone call as I rush home, run upstairs (still in the heels), grab the shorts and back in the car. "Caroline," I say, "I'll get as close as I can to the field jump out and give him his shorts." Boss sees us coming--they run towards each other like long lost lovers in a field of daisy's with sappy music playing. Boss grabs the shorts and I wonder where he's going to change--stupid waste of time wondering that--drops his shorts right there on the sidelines, grabs his stick, and races onto the field. Great game--Doyle brothers on defense--big win! I'm getting ready to leave the field when I see William warming up for Varsity. WHAT?!?!?!?! This is not what's supposed to happen. I have a plan and my plan is to leave--how can I leave if this might be his first ever varsity lacrosse game not to mention (and really the reason) what if he gets hurt and I'm not here? So I sit back down and Caroline yells down the bleachers, "Aren't you leaving for Al Anon?" Now I'm transparent, but...
By half time I realize that he's most likely not going to be going in and I'm exhausted and uncomfortable, so I roll the dice and decide that it's worth the possible need for more therapy if he does get in (I've got a great therapist remember?) and head home. Another impromptu golf scramble meeting in the parking lot and I'm out of the parking lot. Just as I settle down in front of the news with a glass of wine the phone rings- (I really don't have good luck with ringing phones)-"will you be there in 10 minutes. I've got SK's car ready." We've been waiting for this new (1990 lexus) car for SK; Chris is getting home tonight, we need this car, so I sigh and say yes. Walt gets to the house with the car and I say, "let me get my purse and I'll drive you home." Grabbed my purse but no shoes-I have on socks and my feet are still tired. As I arrive at Walt's the phone starts blowing up--"where are we going to dinner?" We make a decision; I think I have plenty of time so I go into Walt's to talk to Andrea for a few minutes. Phone continues blowing up; they're already there. I text SK and tell her where to go but don't tell her I have her car. We get there at the same time--excitement and it's a way to be incognito until someone learns she has a new car--yep this is the way we think in our house during Senior Soaker season. Boss looks down, "Mama! You don't have on any shoes; they're never going to let you in." I just walked in--at this point I just want to actually finish a beer and eat. We're sitting at the table when SK's anxiety begins to rise; physics is calling her name so she decides not to wait--grabs her guns off the table (how many people can say that), enlists Caroline to run decoy again and she's gone. During dinner I'm trying to explain to Boss why his prom date doesn't want to go to prom in his truck. He is really not getting it. He tells me he offered to build her a step stool; I offer my car. "No way! That's a total soccer mom car." (great now I have another personality to had to my diagnosis). We eat and head home.
As we get home I begin to think about relaxing again--Boss, "SK why do you care so much about grades when you're already in UVA? You just can't fail." He grabs her water gun and starts shooting her (yes this was in my dining room). She gets wet but more importantly her physics notebook gets wet and she bursts into tears. Boss clearly recognizes this isn't a joke and races upstairs to get the hair dryer. (Text from Chris--his already late plane is going to be later; he offers to take a cab. I know I shouldn't do it but I agree.) The physics notebook is saved; Caroline is laughing hysterically which gets her ambushed by both big kids with water guns (yes still in my dining room). William, "Does anyone know where my back pack is?" All I can think is it better not be at the field; I should have been thinking, "It's 10 o'clock and you're just realizing you don't have your backpack--homework dude!" Backpack found--I begin to sit down again thinking I'll have some silence when Caroline says, "Mama are we going to bed or watching some crime show?" I know one day she isn't going to want to hang out with me--crime show it is. Both of us begin to fall asleep so we decide to head upstairs where I remind her she can't sleep with me because Daddy will be home tonight.
As I climb into bed I have a brief moment of clarity (read sanity), "Yep, Becky's right. It is nuts; guess I'll just have to embrace it." And so I wake up this morning again believing I have control...
Therapy appointment set for next week...
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