And Their Mama's a Priest

A friend asked me yesterday about our "traditions" for Christmas.  I warned her--starting traditions create tradition monsters; I should know--I have four.  One year I gave them robes instead of pajamas on Christmas Eve.  You seriously would have thought I had personally ruined Christmas for the entire world.....,

Last night at dinner we began talking about Christmas Eve dinner and Christmas brunch.  The children were talking over each other about what their favorite part was.  Well everyone except Caroline who was trying to decide if she should "Swing" or "swung".  Shawn was paying attention to her and falling out of his chair laughing.  Caroline, "Why is it so funny?"  Shawn whispered to me, "I don't think she knows what that could mean."  Clearly--and I'm a little disturbed that my exchange student does. Caroline changed the subject and said, "I was so happy today.  Christopher came into the gym and announced to everyone that I'm a real baller."  My mind was not jumping as quickly as others apparently because I was just about to fuss at Christopher for calling her inappropriate names especially at school.  "Yeah," he said, "She has practice shoes and game shoes.  She's the real basketball deal."  Chris Sr., "Wait, we bought you TWO pairs of basketball shoes?"  Caroline, "Yeah I asked you for one and Mama for one."  (Perhaps we should communicate better--I'll add that to my list of topics to talk to my therapist about) but back to the meal....

I decided to try to bring the conversation back into some sort of normalcy (yeah right) and more importantly inclusivity.  So I turned to Shawn and said, "This is what we have for our meals.  Is there something special your family has for Christmas dinner?  We could add that."  Shawn smiled at me (see some people understand me) and said, "No.  We have dinner on Christmas but nothing particularly special."  Boss  began laughing hysterically, "Shawn just tell her.  Mama he doesn't have anything special for Christmas dinner because HE'S NOT CHRISTIAN HE'S KOREAN!"  I may have turned as red as Caroline's neck from The Bark Collar (yes that happened last night too), but my loving husband tried to save my dignity.  "Boss, there are Christians in Korea aren't there Shawn?"  Shawn, "Yes, we have churches everywhere."  Boss not to be deterred from making certain I understood my mistake, "Yeah but Shawn's not one of them!!!!"  Me, "But he told me  (why did I start referring to him in the third person when he was sitting right next to me?) in middle school they tried to convert him."  Shawn turned to me with a huge smile on his face, "Yeah, but it didn't work."  Welcome to the family Shawn you have officially become part of us--initiation in our house is openly laughing at the Mama.

Sweet (?) William changes the subject again, "These advent candles suck.  (I HATE THAT WORD!!!) They are burning down so fast.  What are we going to do in a few weeks?"  I responded, "It will be fine."  Caroline, "We'll just have to replace one and start advent all over. That will suck"  (That word again!!!)  "Seriously Caroline?" I interjected, "We do this every year.  Why are you acting like you don't know how this works?"  William, "What happens if we light them all tonight?  Or what if I light the pink one tomorrow night?"  Boss, "You'll probably be damned to hell."  Caroline, "Yeah you'll probably kill Jesus--hey wait Jesus already got dead."  GOT DEAD?!?!?!!  Who are you?  They began deciding who was being damned talking over one another so I'm not sure they heard me say, "But he rose again, remember oh children of mine who have gone to church almost EVERY Sunday of their lives??!?"  It's a good think I'm going to FORMA (A grassroots association of members of The Episcopal Church and kindred individuals and institutions, Forma supports, networks, advocates for, resources, and celebrates Christian formation leaders in their Christian formation ministries) in January.  Christian educators have been saying our Christian formation programs aren't working.  I really wish my children weren't poster children for that belief!!!

"I think we should clear our plates.  Ya'll have studying to do."  "Yeah," said William, "And you've ruined Christmas already because we don't have our chocolate advent calendars yet."  Fair warning--do not start traditions....