Life with Caroline is interesting to say the least. If she thinks it, she says it. Within the four walls of our house, it's pretty hysterical, but we sometimes have to remind her (again and again and again) that while we know she doesn't have a racist, sexist any "ist" bone in her body--she honestly is the most inclusive person I have ever met-- sometimes the way she says things could be taken wrong. For example--I was going to the beach and one of my best friends, Mac, was going to come stay one night with me. Mac wanted me to ask Chris if he was okay with it as it would just be the two of us--Mac is a true southern gentleman. Here's the conversation:
Me: "Chris, Mac wants to make sure you don't mind if he comes to the beach for a night with me?"
Chris: "Not at all. I'm glad you get to see him."
Caroline: "Seriously? Why are you even asking, Mac's gay. I mean you're cute and everything but not cute enough to make a gay man straight!"
That's the background on Caroline. The other thing that makes Caroline interesting is her conversations which are complete stream of consciousness--attempting to connect them, while amusing, is pointless. So here's the conversation that happened in our kitchen two nights ago in the course of 10 minutes.
Caroline, "I need to go to a jeanologist." It was evening, I had already had a glass of wine, so my defenses were down and I made the mistake of trying to make sense of what she was saying. I thought perhaps that was a new fashion word or a new shopping service so I say, "Caroline we just bought you jeans. We're not getting anymore right now." Caroline looked at me as if I was completely ignorant (let's be fair she's 13, she often looks at me that way). She responds, "I don't know what you're talking about but I'm talking about the doctor you have to go to once you start menstrating." (spelled as she said it). I looked over at SK who gave me a look which said, "How are you going to handle this one?" I decided to investigate--"Why do you need to need to go to a gynecologist?" "I think that's what they told us in sex ed," responded Caroline, "I can't remember. I wasn't paying much attention because I was trying not to laugh." She was already losing interest in this conversation so I just finished with, "We'll stick with the pediatrician."
She may have been finished with that conversation but not with talking. "Mama you know what I want for my 20th birthday?" Again, the wine and late evening time interfered with my judgement and I had to ask, "What?" Caroline, "A cake that says 'Congratulations you beat the teen pregnancy statistic.'" As I was wondering whether there was a connection with the previous conversation--a big mistake as she's already moved on in conversation.
"I have to make 5 more of these bracelets--five white links and one black." This time it was SK who fell prey and asked why. "Because the fat five have become the fat five plus one." SK, "What is that?" Caroline, "My friend group--and she proceeded to name them." One of these girls is African American. I gasped and wondered whether to address the calling themselves the fat five plus one or the race comment; it won out. "Caroline, you cannot make bracelets like that. That might really hurt ________'s feelings." "Mama," responded Caroline in a very exasperated voice, "It was her idea. It's not like she doesn't know she's black." And with that I moved onto my second glass of wine.
Last night the conversation was a little bit different. We were talking about Halloween and the group of friends she had coming over for chili and trick-or-treating. She named one little girl who is not Caroline's siblings favorite. There's been some drama-shocking with middle school girls. I wasn't thrilled either as I have recently found out the mother of said girl has been talking about Caroline and frankly telling untruths. (Chris talked me down off that cliff and wouldn't let me call the mother or the school--that's a totally different story.) Caroline also knows about those conversations and she filled SK in. Now my children can fight with each other--I sometimes wonder if WWF is filming in my house--but if anyone else says or does anything watch out. That is particularly true with our 5'10" "baby". First time I put her in timeout, the other three children went with her--they were in tears (she was not). SK was furious! "She is not welcome here. How can you let her come over when her mother is saying those things about you which a) aren't true about you and b) are true about her daughter!!! This is not okay--stand up for yourself." And here is where we see both Caroline's lack of filter and gigantic heart. "SK, she cannot control her mother and what she says anymore than we can control Mama. I'm not going to not be her friend because her mother is a lying b***."
I know I should have corrected her language but I was too busy being amazed at her mature, loving heart--
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