We sat down and began to eat and to have typical Doyle conversation (read conversation that borders on if not crosses over inappropriate and conversation that jumps faster than the Easter bunny)--Boss, "We stopped at the video store today so I could pick up William's new video game. I do that for him so much they don't even card me anymore. That's not the place I don't want to be carded." My head whipped around--Boss, "Wait it's not what you think." Before I could delve into that conversation, William, "Yeah there was this weird kid there...." Chris interrupted, "What a weird kid at a video store?" (Yes we do stereotype--but then our weird kids were there today too.) William, "Us weird kids call this time of year, Broketober because all the new games come out." Me, "Remember Christmas is coming up." William,, "Yeah that's why I need you to find me jobs or give me some money" Chris, "Boss can you pass me a piece of salmon?" Boss reached across William and picked up a piece of salmon WITH HIS HANDS!!!! "Boss!" I shrieked. "What? I was trying to be polite and not interrupt the flow of the conversation by asking William to pass the platter." He's so considerate. "You're killing me or at least aging me quickly." Boss, "Yeah, but I'll put you in a good home." "I'd like to go to Merrilee please." Boss, "That's not happening--that's too expensive." Chris, "At least you get to go to a home; he told me he's just putting me out." Boss, "Yeah, he'll figure something out--I'll make sure you have a place to live." I didn't know whether to add--thanks for taking care of me but not your father or to be amazed they had clearly had this conversation before--and both remembered it....
William got up and poured himself a glass of milk WITHOUT asking anyone else. Boss already had water, but Shawn had nothing--something I'm sure he would eventually be thankful for. As he sat back down he placed his glass to the left of his plate. Me, "Sweetheart, the glass goes on the right side." Boss, "This isn't the middle ages Mama. Don't move it William." Me, "I know it's not the middle ages, but it's just the proper way to set a table. Ya'll know that." "Well," he continued, "Mine is in the middle of the place mat. I like it there. I'm pretty much I'm in the center and William leans left." Seriously, he's bringing politics into this?!?!? "Plus, the place mats aren't big and you don't want the glasses on the table." Me attempting to bring this conversation back into some sort of normalcy, "Well it's still the proper way." Boss, "Well I guess I'm going to society hell since mine is in the middle and I'm not moving it. What about you William?" William, "I guess I'm going two levels below society hell because mine is to the left." Shawn was trying not to fall out of his chair laughing not completely certain whether I was going to lose it. I decided to move on...
"I'll clean up Chris if you'll go get the poster board and bag of candy for Caroline." Chris took that deal. Boss began writing a paper as I was cleaning up. "Hey Mama, what's another name for Jesus?" I started giving him possibilities. "No Mama, I need one that uses lots of words--I've got to get to 1000 words tonight." So, I continued only to be interrupted again, "What do you know? I'll figure it out." Clearly I don't know how to teach table manners....
Chris got home and Boss asked, "What kind of candy did you get?" Chris, "Snickers." Boss, "Snickers? Are you kidding me? No one likes snickers and besides we go to private school where everyone has those rich people peanut allergies. You should have bought reeces." Caroline walked in at that point which saved me from trying to deal with ANY of Boss' reasoning. Caroline, "What you got snickers?!?!?! No one likes snickers, you should have bought reeces." Chris moved to the kitchen to pour a bourbon--I should have joined him. Caroline, "Can you take me to Bowling Green on Sunday?" Boss, "I'm going to the UK basketball game so I can't." Caroline, "What the hell? Are you turning into a Cats fan? We HATE UK. I want to go to Bowling Green." (When did my children decide they could say 'hell' all the time?) Boss began to explain why he was going but then stopped to say, "Take a greyhound." Back to the whole greyhound conversation from last month. I jumped in, "She is NOT taking the greyhound." Caroline, "I could just take a taxi." Boss, "Are you an idiot? What the hell? (That word again) Speaking of which, where do you put your glass at the table? Mama says we're going to society hell." Caroline, "Please someone take me to Bowling Green...wait, Mama, you told the boys to go to hell?'
I joined Chris.
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