Another Five Years of Therapy

It all started at 6 am when I finally made it to the grocery store to shop for our Thanksgiving meal.  The entire family had planned the meal which frankly is not hard because one of the two parents has made the children so neurotic about traditions that we have the SAME meal for every holiday.  Honestly this year was a tad bit more difficult because we are having Thanksgiving with just the six of us so we had to have endless discussions on whether tradition dictated that we recreate the dishes that others usually prepare..so here I stood before the sweet potatoes.  Let me be clear, I HATE sweet potatoes--the taste, the texture, the smell--everything.  (This may be hard for you to believe but one night when I was in elementary school I sat at the dinner table until 11:30 pm because I refused to take one bite.) So I stood in front of those seemingly neutral things wondering how many years of therapy I would have to pay for if I just flat refused to make them?  See these were part of the tradition conversations--two weeks ago William begged me to get the recipe from Aunt Meredith--"Please Mama we have to have them.  They're always my favorite."  When I told him no he responded with, "I wish I was going to Aunt Meredith's house."  While I don't do sweet potatoes well, I do guilt perfectly, so I began counting them into a bag--you get him next year Meredith!


I made my way through the store weaving in and out of the loyal employees restocking and cleaning the aisles.  It was really a tad bit festive.  That's a good thing because as I checked things off my list I had an ongoing debate in my head--do I make the pie crusts or buy them?  The conversation was agonizing and there was no one to talk to about it at this hour!  The debate grew louder and louder--man I hope I wasn't actually talking out loud, but I can't promise that.  I finally decided that I would buy them--I had a lot to do and I'd already succumbed to the eldest soon to be leaving home child and agreed to make my home made yeast rolls instead of buying Parker house rolls.  (That conversation went like this, "But you ALWAYS make them.  It's my favorite part of Thanksgiving."  Seriously it doesn't take much to get my guilt going.)  So I looked for the frozen pie crusts--I have never bought them so I don't know where they are.  I finally asked a young man who I think may need his own therapy because I asked him like this, "Can you tell me where the pre made pie crusts are?  I usually make my own but this year has been very busy and I'm just shopping today and have so much to do that I'm not sure I'll have time.  Do you have homemade pie crusts or pre baked pie crusts at your house?"  His eyes glazed over as he led me to the freezer section where there are CHOICES!  I stood there trying to figure out which to buy--the young man had long since disappeared.  Finally I chose some and said to myself,  "These look pretty good; no one will be able to tell the difference."  And with that I checked out, went home, and had the car unloaded before anyone even got out of bed.

I left the house again at 9:30 for an appointment and to run errands.  That's when I realized that I had forgotten the appetizers!  I called my husband and he suggested we just get stuff from Lotsa Pasta--well I'd already given into the pie crust--it's amazing how easy it becomes after the first time giving in--so I said I'd go get them on my way to get my hair cut.  The only thing I like about cold weather is that I can go to the grocery store and still run more errands without worrying about refrigeration. I was so proud of myself that I even emailed a friend and bragged about how I bought already prepared appetizers.   After more errands and a visit to a friend in the hospital I made it home to a quiet empty house and began the meal preparation--if it had only stayed quiet and empty...

I made the jalapeno cornbread (not a mix) for the stuffing and started on the pecan pies.  As I poured it into the crust I had another moment of guilt--then I just poured a glass of wine.  The family started arriving home, showing me their bras, hair cuts etc.  Christopher came in from babysitting my godchild Charlotte with his best friend who we often wish was more than a best friend also named Charlotte.  "She never cries for me Mama," he proudly announced as he kissed the top of my head.  I love that he kisses the top of my head but I also wanted to punch him in the gut--she ALWAYS cries for me much to her father's delight.  Charlotte the best friend gave me a big hug too.  I adore this girl and the only wise decision and comment I probably made yesterday was to the babies who also adore Charlotte and want her to be the girlfriend.  I said, "I think it's better that she stays the best friend that way she can always stay in our lives."  That was said just in time because in walked SK saying the boyfriend who is no longer the boyfriend is on his way over.  It's so much easier to love and miss the boyfriend who is no longer the boyfriend..."Oh I can't wait to see him."  I said.  To which I received a massive eye roll and a warning, "He's not staying long." (He was still here when I went to bed at 11.)

Chris had now arrived home tripping over a large box in the mud room.  "What is this?"  Me, "It's the Thanksgiving china." "I love that china!" chimed in SK and Caroline. "Can you unpack it?" he begged trying to limit his editorial comments about the china. "I'm making pies.  Can you get someone else to?"  William was called to the kitchen and asked to unpack the china and put it in the dining room. (It was clear SK was not in the mood to be asked anything as the boyfriend who is not the boyfriend was on his way over, and I think Chris was afraid to ask Caroline to do anything as it may require him commenting on or touching her new bras again.)  William, "Really, Thanksgiving china?"  Chris, "Yes, but first we should probably pack up the arbor day china."  He just couldn't resist..he followed that up with, "This is the Thanksgiving china we bought in England."  William, "Wait a minute, we bought Thanksgiving china in England?  That's messed up."  Chris looked at me with that look that says, "glad one of them has some sense." and added, "yep and she finds equally crazy friends to shop with her and justify her purchases"  (You're welcome Ingrid.)

After he finished unpacking the china William hesitantly (I think the china had reinforced his memory of my neurotic behavior as I'm preparing for a holiday) asked, "Are we going to get to eat dinner tonight or is all this food just for tomorrow night?"  "Yeah," chimed in Christopher, "we're starving."  I pictured the bag full of premade appetizers in the refrigerator outside, calculated how much longer it was going to take Chris to grill, factored in the grumpy overly hungry ratio of four or five or six teenagers (didn't know how long the boyfriend who is not the boyfriend or Charlotte was staying) and in a weak moment sent Caroline out to get one or two, I stressed the one or two--I shouldn't have been surprised that she brought the whole bag in.  While I was busy getting out appetizer trays and spreaders, (only a few actually made it onto the trays and into dishes the rest were eaten straight out of bags and containers--I'm amazed--no one died from lack of social etiquette), they descended upon the bag like vulchers scratching and clawing to get their favorites out.  "Ya'll don't eat those all.  They're for tomorrow."  Christopher, "but we're hungry today."  He had a point--doesn't have any appetizers for today but he had a point--

The boyfriend who is no longer the boyfriend had arrived.  This totally confused everyone particularly the babies who kept saying, "But they're acting the same?  Are you sure he's not the boyfriend anymore?"  I have no idea how to explain this to them; Chris however kept sending them to the basement to spy.  While I told him that was a terrible thing to do, I did grill them when they returned.  Were they smiling, talking, touching?  (We are not the most mature parents)   Charlotte left and we sent the boys down to play video games in the back of the basement--just a little bit calculated...  While we were waiting for dinner to be finished Caroline asked, "Can I make the pumpkin pie now?"  This was a BIG deal--never before had I asked them to help with preparing Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner but I had asked her earlier in the day if she would like to make the pumpkin pie.  (For the record, I should have asked years ago--it's fun having them all in the kitchen working together--well some working together some just offering snide remarks.)  She began reading the recipe and asking me where everything was ( it was all laid out on the counter).  As she stirred the pie filling she said, "This is way too runny--what's wrong with it?"  Yet another reason they should help--"Caroline, it has to be put in the pie shell and cooked."  "Ohhhh, well why didn't you say so?"  I wisely refused to remind her that she had the recipe in front of her and perhaps she could read it.  "Where is the pie shell?"  she asked.  I got it out of the freezer and began unwrapping it.  There was a total look of shock and terror on her face--"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!  You didn't make them? You BOUGHT pie crusts?"

Chris sighed, looked at me with pity and said, "Thanks Caroline, that comment is going to cost us another five years of therapy."