Gripping and Groping

There were five of us in the car heading to fall gathering at All Saints.  The babies, a shy seventh grader, and a young man who was a Karen refugee--sweet and kind.  Honestly I don't know what people are thinking when they ask me to take their children to All Saints.  An hour and a half in the car with our family?  Seriously?!?!?!  Do you know who we are?  And yesterday was worse because the traffic was horrible and Caroline's energy was high....

In between spurts of "Why is the traffic so bad?'  William, "It's rush hour."  Caroline, "Well  no one seems to be rushing."  and "How much longer will there be traffic?'  I have no idea I'm not psychic, Our guests were napping and Caroline was having a monologue of her own most of what I was ignoring.  Will I ever learn?  "Mama, Mama, I'm asking you a question, " Caroline pushed on my seat and said, "Aren't you listening to me?"  Well I think it most have been obvious I wasn't, so I didn't answer.  She continued without missing a beat, "Do you know ___________?"  I tried to get context as she blurted out, "You know the tall nerdy kid who's totally weird?"  Oh yeah, well that certainly narrows it down oh 5'10 totally weird child of mine.  I simply responded, "I know who he is."  "Well, " Caroline informed me, "Maria doesn't like him because he groped her."  "WHAT?!?!?!?"  Now she had my full attention as I was trying not to have an accident as I contorted my body to look at her while simultaneously rehearsing i my mind a conversation with Maria's mother.  "You know, last week when she went to school with me."  I tried to remain calm, "He groped her and you are just now telling me?  Did you tell anyone?"  Caroline, "Why would I do that?"  "Caroline," I tried to calmly continue, "Please tell me exactly what happened."  Caroline, "It wasn't that big of a deal.  He just walked up to her and groped her arm really tightly."  William, sitting in the front seat, is looking at me with a "she's an idiot" look.

My heart rate began to drop and I said, "Caroline, that is called gripping her arm.  You can't go around and say someone groped someone.  That's going to really get someone in trouble."  (I totally missed the point that he also should  not have been gripping her arm tightly but that's a conversation for another day."  "Why not?" Caroline truly innocently asked.  "Because," I said, "That is not what people think of when they hear the word groping.  And if you said that at school he would get called in and be in some really big trouble before it got sorted out."  "Well, what does groping mean?" she asked.  William yanked off his ear phones and said, "PLEASE do not tell her!!!!"  "Yes, tell me," she hollered from the back seat.  "Mama please no," William begged.  "William I have to explain it. She can't say things she doesn't understand." I said as I looked in the rear view mirror to make certain our guests were still napping.  "Caroline, groping is usually the term used when someone grabs your breasts or bottom, so when you say someone has groped someone else that is what most people think you're talking about."  William buried his head in his hands just at the time I realized our guests are also possums.  As they were holding their sides and silently laughing, Caroline finished the conversation with, "I still like the word grope better than grip."  "Caroline, just because you like a word better doesn't mean you can use it inappropriately."  "Who's going to stop me?" Caroline asked, "The groping police."

We arrived at All Saints and as I got out of the car I saw our good friend and family favorite John MacLean, "Just so you know, Caroline was in rare form (or really just normal form) so the other two...." I began to say, but really how do you explain or even know what the other two might need?  Instead I finished with, "Good luck.  Have a great weekend."

Being the Youngest

We were in the kitchen--Boss was revisiting his idea to take the Greyhound to Atlanta for a rap concert...Then he moved onto could his friend come over after school.  Me, "No, I'm not going to be here  I've got to go get food for Caroline for tomorrow night."  Chris, "Yep, no one is to be here without Mama or me being home."  Boss, "How about we go to the grocery store for you?"  While I was thinking how this was probably going to end up costing me far more than I wanted it to, I was also thinking I could have an afternoon at home--I've worked five straight days where I didn't get home before 9 pm.  "Sure," I said.  "That'll work."  I handed him the list.  Just then Caroline walked in and said, "Oh tomorrow after the get together."  Me, "You mean the get together that we're not calling a party because I told you no party but yet there are 20 freshmen coming to my house tomorrow?"  Caroline, "There are not 20 coming; there's only 18."  Oh of course THAT makes it a get together not a party.

"Anyway," Caroline continued, "Toree and Rachel are going to spend the night."  "Okay." I responded.  Boss jumped up, "What?  Are you kidding me.? I would never have gotten away with just telling you people were going to spend the night when I was a freshmen.  Wednesday night you come home to find Maria here and you just hugged her.  That would never happen with my friends."  (I absolutely would hug them and do but some of them might think it's creepy so I do try to control myself.)  But he did have a point about Caroline's communication...

Wednesday night I arrived home at 10 pm and Chris asked, "Did you know Maria was coming?"  "Maria's here?" I asked.  Maria is Caroline's best friend from Bowling Green and there is a history of her showing up...  But I love that girl so I bounded up the stairs to Caroline's room and gave her a big hug. Caroline's friends LIKE me to hug them.   Caroline, "Did I forget to tell you again Maria was coming?"  "Yeah you did," I said, "And what's she going to do tomorrow when you go to school?" Caroline, "Oh I've got that covered; I already talked to Mr. Behr (head of the upper school)."  Glad someone gets clued into what 's going on at my house.

But back to Boss.."That is not true," I responded, "You know your friends are always welcome here." "No I'm serious," Boss continued not responding to my response because he was in the zone of the explaining the preferential treatment of the youngest and probably not able to hear me. "She just hands you a list of food she wants for a party that's not a party (glad he got that right) and you just do it.  Caroline, you think it sucks being the youngest but you get all privileges."  It did cross my mind that I should remind him I HATE that word, but he was in the zone and so he continued, "Name one thing that sucks (That word again!) about being the youngest and don't say something stupid like 'everyone else gets to drive first' because you will get to drive." "Well," I finally found something to say that may break the zone barrier, "She may get her license but at the rate you're going she'll have nothing to drive.  Everything will be totaled by then."  Boss, "Okay that may be the one bad part of being the youngest."