I Just Wanted a Graduation List and Now She's Getting Married

Yesterday Sarah Katherine received her first of many invitations to a graduation celebration, and I received a reminder that I needed to get hers ordered. So as we sat down in the den I reminded her I needed her list so that I knew how many to order.  Chris, "Wait, how many people are we inviting?"  I responded vaguely by saying, "This is why I'm telling you we need the bouncy house in the front yard--there will be lots of small children." Chris, "Isn't this a high school graduation party? Why are we having all these small children?"  "Chris," I patiently said, "We have lots of nieces and nephews."  SK slightly panicked, "And other close friends I want to invite that are like family and they have small children.  Really Daddy they're practically family. I want to invite them.  Pleeeeeeease"  I patiently responded, "I'm putting them on the list."  Chris, whom everyone thinks is a quiet gentle man is really a quiet gentle man who likes to quietly stir things up just to watch us all squirm, "Again, how many people are we inviting?  I'm not sure about this whole thing."  SK, "DADDY!!  This is stressful enough. I've got to make the list, choose invitations--Mama can you just do that?  Who knew this would be so hard?  I'm never going to survive having to make lists and stuff for a wedding." Chris, "Good Lord, and how much will THAT cost?"

Now I'm not sure how we got from we haven't even graduated from high school to making wedding lists, and yet still I said, "We'll write you a check for $20,000 right now if you'll just elope."  Chris looked at me as though I had just sprouted horns (I actually think he might sometimes think they are hidden somewhere.)  "Have you lost your mind?  We aren't writing her a check for $20,000 right now. We don't have $20,000 in our checking account right now."  Perhaps SK was only partially listening because she piped in, "Wait, you're not going to pay for my wedding?"  Honest to betsy I have no idea how this conversation had disintegrated to the level where we were actually having a serious discussion about a wedding to take place sometime in the WAY distant future with some unknown groom.  "Monkey Moo," I tried to calmly say, "Of course we'll pay for your wedding.  I'm just saying if you want to elope we'll write you a check."  Chris hastingly interjected, "But not tonight!"  "Well," continued SK, "I don't want a check I want a wedding I've already decided Mason is my maid or matron of honor.."  Me interrupting in a panic, "It has to be Caroline!"  "Obviously Mama, but Mason will also be up there as one of the honors.  Hopefully she'll get married first so I can have one maid and one matron, but who knows.  Besides I can work all that out, I'm just stressed about the list." This would have been a good place to end the conversation....

Chris, "Stressed about the list? You should be stressed about having to talk to all those people."  SK, "It will be fun to talk to all my friends."  Chris, "Obviously you're not stressed about talking to your friends--it's all the people you don't know."  SK looked completely shocked and appalled.  "Why would there be people there I don't know?  It's MY wedding."  "Well Monk," I calmly said, "There might be people from the groom's side you haven't met yet."  "Well why do we have to invite them?" she challenged.  I looked across the room and could see Chris' mind working to figure out how to stir her up more.  While I was trying to figure out a way to derail his plan she piped in, "Well then I'm marrying an orphan.  I don't want a bunch of people there I don't know." And then Chris threw the grenade...

"There's also this thing--the toasts--people get up and talk about you.  People that have known you forever.  Just wait until Daddy Adams talks..."  SK, "Does he HAVE to come?  Maybe he'll be busy. He is going to humiliate me!"  Chris, "There is no way Daddy Adams will miss either your wedding or toasting you.  He is going to totally nail you.  Oh yeah, and Zach Crouch too.  I can't wait to hear his." SK was turning pale, "Who else gets to toast me?"  Chris, "Pretty much anyone who wants--Uncle Carter probably will since he's your Godfather."  SK looking visibly relieved, "Thank goodness; he'll be normal and appropriate at a wedding."  At this Chris and I burst into laughter.  "Honey," Chris reported, "Uncle Carter is still famous for his antics at our wedding."  I fell apart in uncontrollable laughter silently praying Chris wouldn't share those antics...

Sarah Katherine threw up her hands and said, "That's it!  I'm totally stressed out; I have to go to bed."