Two weeks ago, Sarah Katherine called to see if Kirby (aka "the boyfriend") could eat dinner with us. I could think of no reason why not--the Chris' were going to be really late, but the babies, SK, Kirby and I sat down to eat. We returned to the dinner conversation of the previous night..
In the 8th grade at Collegiate they divide the girls and boys and teach sex education. Since we'd already talked about it the night before, I felt prepared. Mistake number one. Tonight, William decides to share with us that the man teaching the class was willing to answer any and all questions. I respond, "that's good. People should be able to ask questions and get honest, accurate information. What sort of questions were they asking?" That question was mistake number two. It started easily enough, Can you get pregnant the first time you have sex? (Good to know they answered yes you can). We were then interrupted by Caroline who had information to add.
"Did ya'll know they have flavored and colored condoms?" Silence in the room--Caroline, "Well, did you?" All I could think was do not make eye contact to the boyfriend who is sitting directly on my right. I gathered my wits and as calmly as I could said, "Yes we do know that. How do you?" Caroline, "Well, the 8th grade girls told me. Plus I've seen them." Looooong sip on the wine glass--me, "Caroline, how have you seen them?" Caroline, "They sell them in the women's bathroom at Thornton's. Why would they do that?"
Mistake number three--I believed I could now turn this conversation back to a semi-educational one (as long as I continued not to make eye contact with the boyfriend). "Caroline, it's important that girls be as prepared as boys. Girls have to protect themselves and not put all her trust in a boy." I was going to move on, but she was clearly not listening and was firing questions at me, "What about female condoms? Do you have to use them with boy condoms?" I tried to answer her questions thinking it would end the conversation. That was mistake number 4.
Caroline turns to William and asks, "What other questions did they ask?" I think to myself, at least we've moved away from her questions--mistake number 5. "Well," says William, "they asked what kerblumpkin meant." Caroline bursts out laughing-- I ask William, "what does it mean?" That was mistake number 6. He starts laughing at the fact that I don't know. So, I finally turn to SK and the boyfriend and ask them. Now the boyfriend is clearly trying not to make eye contact; both are bright red, and SK says, "please Mama don't make me answer that." With all my wisdom and maturity I decide to drop it. William continues to say words that they asked about all of which I didn't know (if you'd like to know, check urban dictionary). At this point, the Chris' walk in and I begin to talk to them only half listening to the other conversation. That is until I hear William say, "And they asked them to describe 69" Without thinking I turn back to the table and loudly say, "Well I even know what that is!" You couldn't hear a pin drop.
SK, "May we please be excused?"
(and the boyfriend came back to dinner the next night--)
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