We took the boys to a sports bar for dinner Saturday night. The girls were out and we love watching football with the boys. Auburn was playing UK--suffice it to say my boys respectfully dislike UK with every fiber in their body--that being said, eating in a bar with ALL UK fans should tone them down. It doesn't. They were cheering madly; with every ugly look they received, they cheered even more loudly. There was one particularly menacing looking table who I watched closely. I saw their eyes glaze over and realized they were no longer seeing two young boys, but rather the enemy. I haven't been in a fight since fifth grade, and I think Chris topped out in middle school, so I'm pretty sure we were sunk. So I did what every mother does who wants to quickly remove danger, I changed the subject.
I decided to ask Christopher about cotillion--Here's how the conversation goes
ME: Christopher have they taught you to shag yet at Cotillion?
Christopher and William look at me, turn red, and bust out laughing.
ME: No, I'm serious. Shagging is tons of fun. I love to shag (Boys under the table--Chris keeps saying, "Katherine" but I ignore him because I really want to know) Christopher, seriously you've got to learn to shag. All girls love to shag. I'm from the south, we shag all the time. If you learn to shag well you will be quite popular with the girls.
Christopher and William are about to pass out their laughing so hard. I have no idea why I'm not questioning their laughter. I'm thinking about shagging--Chris is still trying to interrupt me, and the waiter walks up.
WAITER: Ya'll are having a good time.
WILLIAM: My mom's talking about shagging. (Waiter now convulses in laughter as he steps away)
ME: Boys, I'm serious you should really learn to shag; I love to shag; Daddy shags with me sometimes. He's gotten better. We could show you how.
CHRIS: Katherine, have you seen Austin Powers?
ME: No
CHRIS: The boys don't think you're talking about dancing. (Now the light bulb comes on and I turn red--waiter walks back up)
CHRISTOPHER: My mom wants to show me how to shag (Waiter again convulses with laughter)
WAITER: Ya'll have made my night. If I didn't have to get home I'd pull up a chair.
And that was the end of our evening out. Maybe I should have taken my chances with the UK fans.
1 comment:
I have never laughed so hard on a Wednesday afternoon!!!!!! I mean...I'm mildy hurt by the whole "WE HATE UK" comment...but I'll let it slide being that you have been brainwashed by Louisville and it's big red bird - I forgive you and will accept 2 front row tickets to the UK -vs- Louisville basketball game this year. I'm a good friend like that!
Okay...back to you shagging. Katherine...THAT WAS HYSTERICAL!!! I mean...laugh out loud funny!!! I love you, sister! Thank you - from the bottom of my shaggin' southern heart - for making me crack up!
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