Double meanings

We took the boys to a sports bar for dinner Saturday night. The girls were out and we love watching football with the boys. Auburn was playing UK--suffice it to say my boys respectfully dislike UK with every fiber in their body--that being said, eating in a bar with ALL UK fans should tone them down. It doesn't. They were cheering madly; with every ugly look they received, they cheered even more loudly. There was one particularly menacing looking table who I watched closely. I saw their eyes glaze over and realized they were no longer seeing two young boys, but rather the enemy. I haven't been in a fight since fifth grade, and I think Chris topped out in middle school, so I'm pretty sure we were sunk. So I did what every mother does who wants to quickly remove danger, I changed the subject.

I decided to ask Christopher about cotillion--Here's how the conversation goes
ME: Christopher have they taught you to shag yet at Cotillion?

Christopher and William look at me, turn red, and bust out laughing.

ME: No, I'm serious. Shagging is tons of fun. I love to shag (Boys under the table--Chris keeps saying, "Katherine" but I ignore him because I really want to know) Christopher, seriously you've got to learn to shag. All girls love to shag. I'm from the south, we shag all the time. If you learn to shag well you will be quite popular with the girls.

Christopher and William are about to pass out their laughing so hard. I have no idea why I'm not questioning their laughter. I'm thinking about shagging--Chris is still trying to interrupt me, and the waiter walks up.

WAITER: Ya'll are having a good time.

WILLIAM: My mom's talking about shagging. (Waiter now convulses in laughter as he steps away)

ME: Boys, I'm serious you should really learn to shag; I love to shag; Daddy shags with me sometimes. He's gotten better. We could show you how.

CHRIS: Katherine, have you seen Austin Powers?

ME: No

CHRIS: The boys don't think you're talking about dancing. (Now the light bulb comes on and I turn red--waiter walks back up)

CHRISTOPHER: My mom wants to show me how to shag (Waiter again convulses with laughter)

WAITER: Ya'll have made my night. If I didn't have to get home I'd pull up a chair.

And that was the end of our evening out. Maybe I should have taken my chances with the UK fans.

Two Languages

Per usual, we are running from place to place trying to fit every one's activities and social life into a very short 24 hours with only 2 drivers. I was meeting Chris at the Bishop's dinner; Sarah Katherine was off to ballet and then a football game; Christopher was being picked up for cotillion, and the babies were staying home and watching a movie. As I was leaving, it occurred to me I had not planned a dinner for the children. Oops! I'm frantically trying to decide what's appropriate to wear, not too stuffy, not too revealing--you know an issue that will continue as I continue in this vocation. (Gangan told me I was not to be a dowdy priest!) "Ah ha!" I think to myself. "I'll let the children order pizza. They'll think it's fun and I don't look like the mother who forgot I had to feed my children--win win! Yeah me!" But I realize I don't have time and I'm not certain they've ever ordered their own so I ask, "Christopher, do you know how to order a pizza to be delivered?" (I know he's 13; he should be able to,but we don't do it often and with 4 children I can be a little controlling--makes things go smoother)Christopher looks at me aghast eyes rolling and clearly irritated, "Yes ma'am you just say, 'yo, bring me a pizza to my crib quick like.'" (Remember I'm in a frantic hurry, so not easily amused.) I look at him with my best be serious I'm your mother and this is not time for a joke look. He sheepishly says, "I know Mama, now that I'm in cotillion I have to say, 'Yo, excuse me mister, would you be so kind as to bring me a pizza to my lovely crib?'"

Thank goodness for online ordering!