We have smart children. I know we do because I've seen their IQ scores and they do fairly well in school. But try to reason with them about something that they "need" and right now and all of a sudden I think I should requesting a CAT scan to determine the amount of brain damage.
Two nights ago we were having our first family dinner in several weeks. All six of us were there and it was going well UNTIL Sarah Katherine brings up that she would like another backpack. I should probably stress the another because in her closet there are no less than 6 perfectly good ones in various shapes, colors and patterns. Well the chorus begins with "me too" "me too". The low roar becomes louder as we hear things like, "my notebook will no longer fit in this one" "I've had this since kindergarten" (look how well you've taken care of it I want to add), "mine's babyish" (I did remind Caroline that she was carrying the same one her cousin in middle school carries so it cannot possibly be babyish). Chris proclaims, "We are not buying another backpack." The low roar erupts like a stadium about to do the wave--and there voices were resonating. So I decided to have a moment of maturity (it didn't last long) and address each individually. I asked Sarah Katherine why she needed a new one. "well she said, I let everyone sign this one because you said last year I could get a new one this fall." I do not remember saying that; however, having just moved here and trying to help her feel comfortable, there is an outside chance I did. Chris, being less than mature, says "well she takes it back!" Sarah Katherine just kept repeating but you said but you said (proof of brain deterioration). Because Christopher is 2 years younger his brain has had less time to rot so he tries another route. He goes to get his sling back backpack and shows me that his notebook doesn't fit. At this point we must digress one year.....
Last summer literally 3 hours before we are to reboard a plane for England we went to target. Sarah Katherine found a pink messenger bag that she'd been "dying for" ($40) and Christopher found a slingback for another $40. At the time I said to Sarah Katherine who was about to start secondary school--perhaps you should wait until you start school to choose one. You usually want what others are carrying. She insisted that this was going to be it. This time Chris was the indulgent one and said just get it for her. Christopher stated his case and I distinctly remember saying to him, it's not going to hold much. But again, Chris was feeling generous and said fine you can have it. For the record, Sarah Katherine has carried the messenger bag 3 times. Back to this week
William jumps up and says he's dying for a slingback so Christopher gives it to him and we remind Christopher of the very nice LARGER backpack in his closet. This quiets him and all is restored in his life. I think we are progressing although there is continual back ground music singing over and over "but you said" Now William and Christopher are both happy or at least content and for whatever reason Caroline's orange backpack with a daisy on it is once again cool. They all leave the table and the chorus gets louder.
I tell Sarah Katherine who has oodles of money right now, "You are more than welcome to buy your own backpack." Her brain has definitely gone into meltdown because she begins to shout that it is our job to buy her what she needs for school, she doesn't want to spend her $50 on a backpack and on and on. She decides at this point to remind us that we don't pay her for babysitting our children (I chose not to remind her that none of us get paid for being in the family and I certainly don't get paid for laundry, meals and scrubbing toilets.) Chris has had enough. I have to say one of the things I love about Chris is he is usually laid back and levelheaded which is great for me who is dramatic and definitely gets on the preteen level more times than I should. But he has had it. I watch the color of his face turn from a lovely suntan hue to a sweating red. He's trying to stay in control and it is taking all he has. I can tell he's trying not to say something but for the life of me I can't figure out what it is so there is no stepping into save him--he's better at the saving and I'm better at the losing control. He's trying but Sarah Katherine is now standing and waving her arms about pointing out things wrong with her backpack. I truly am trying to salvage this family dinner so I turn to Sarah Katherine and say, "I've seen lots of girls at your school carrying backpacks that look just like yours." "No they're not", she shouts, "mine is land's end and they're all LL Bean. I want that one." There is no longer control in Chris--I think his head might pop off and he does what we try so hard not to do brings up money. We don't want our children to feel guilty for money we spend on them but he's lost it so he not so gently reminds Sarah Katherine of the tuition we pay each month for school of the thousands we put into ballet, of the sacrifices we make. I now have absolute proof that preteens brains are mush for as this list of financial burdens finishes, Sarah Katherine turns to us and says "then what's fifty dollars more?"
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