We Did Something Right--We are the O'Doyles

Chris and I aren't perfect parents; we try really hard, but we make lots of mistakes (and I'm sure if any of our four children are reading this they would be happy to post all our failures), but there is one thing I think we have done well. I don't compliment myself easily on blogs--in fact I have been accused of being too hard on myself (thank you Ben and Mary Sanders for pointing that out to me--not that I have gotten better at it, but this is a start), so even writing that sentence is hard for me.  But we have done something well--we have nurtured the children so that they have extremely close relationships.  They may fuss some with one another, but they are extremely close developing relationships with one another that exist outside of us.  They are siblings, and they are friends.  They love one another and show it every day.

How did we do it?  I'm not entirely sure, but partly we modeled it through our own relationship with our siblings--I'll never forget Chris telling a family member, "Don't even question her relationship with her sister.  I don't even go there."  And we modeled it by spending lots of time together as a family--insisting that they include one another in their lives and that they supported one another in their passions.  I suppose it could have back fired, but it didn't.  (One time in Pittsburgh when SK was 7 and Christopher 5 a girl came over to play with SK.  I thought she was sweet, but she wasn't out the door 3 seconds before SK said, "She can never come over again; she called Christopher a brat and shut the door in his face.")  This closeness has been wonderful, but it has also been painful.  As they begin to go their separate geographical ways it breaks my heart watching them negotiate their new reality as siblings.  It's why I drove to C'ville with Boss so he could spend the weekend with SK because he needed time with her.  And it's why Chris will drive to C'ville (7 hours) and then to the beach (another 7 hours) to pick SK up so she can spend Easter with us only to turn around 48 hours and do all that driving again.  Being together as a family matters and they know it.

Last year was SK's last ballet performance after 15 years.  (yep 3 years old to 18)  Louisville Ballet always has it in March right in the middle of March Madness which has always been a particularly favorite (read painful) time for the men in our family.  As soon as it was over William said, "No offense, but thank God I never have to do that again." So imagine my surprise when two weeks ago William came into my room and said, "Will you take me to the ballet show in a couple of weeks?"  I tried not to fall off the bed (that causes concussions in our family) and asked, "Why?"  "There's just something I need to do."  And that was all I heard for awhile.

Meanwhile, William texted SK--find out what time the show is on Sunday. She happily did; he asked for a pair of her pointe shoes; she gave them.   He enlisted Caroline to draw a poster

(his wouldn't be legible--we love each other but definitely know our limitations) and today we set off.  I will say that Boss was very concerned that it wouldn't go well and William would be embarrassed but as a good older brother should do, he kept his mouth shut and just supported him.  (And I would like just a little credit for going when my beloved Hoos were playing.) They came together to help William, but I will tell you, they wouldn't if they didn't want to--if they didn't think the person William was asking to prom was worthy of him. Recently I said to the four of them, "You know the chances of one of y'all marrying someone the others don't like is pretty big."  To which Caroline emphatically responded, "That won't happen.  We'll run that person off within the first week."  Fortunately we haven't had to face that yet--God help the one who comes into the Doyle life and isn't liked--remember that song, "God bless the mister that comes between me and my sister"--I think our song will be far less pleasant.  Anyway, it became a family project--and then by extension all those

friends who have become part of our family.  (Thank you McKenna and Izzy)

But what it says to me is this, it's hard as they grow up; it's going to be hard as they go their separate ways and have to negotiate their relationships as adults; it could be hard as they bring new people into our family, but we've laid a foundation.  Today showed that we are a family, a family that comes together and supports one another--goes out our way to help one another, but we are also a family that values others--we want each other to have other relationships and that we want to be part of those relationships.  We are the O'Doyles; we come as a pack, but we extend our arms in welcome and in love.  Chris and I did something right.