I finally convinced the children that there rooms had to be completely cleaned, picked up, trash thrown away, and drawers cleaned out of clothes they hadn't seen or been able to wear in years. Well, it helped to convince them by adding that all electronics would be taken from the house until it's done--
I arrived home from work and was greeted at the door by William. "Come see my room--you're going to be so proud of me and so happy." While I desperately needed to go to the bathroom and perhaps fix a VT, I also knew that I needed to reinforce this enthusiasm, so I crossed my legs and headed up the stairs. "Doesn't it look great?" he excitedly asked. Great is not exactly the word I would have used, but I decided to change my perspective. Compared to the way it had looked when I left this morning "great" could be used if you added "improvement" to the phrase. I gulped and just said "yes, I hope you keep it this way." really thinking about the potty (they hate when I use that word) and that VT. As I turned around to leave William responded, "I will I'm going to keep it this clean by never coming in here." It's all about perspective--
I went to the potty (love they can't stop me from using that word--really it's the little passive aggressive things in life that make me so happy) and decided to change before heading back downstairs. As I was changing my door burst--literally--open and there stood Caroline. "Grouse--put on clothes." This is a common statement the children make when they come into MY room--I didn't respond--it's all about perspective--
"Guess what?" she barely got out through her excitement. It did cross my mind that perhaps I shouldn't ask what; I hadn't had that VT and with Caroline you never know what's going to follow the guess what, but I succumbed to the eagerness in her voice or maybe I was hypnotized into insanity for a moment. Regardless, I answered, "What?" "I found over seven dollars in change cleaning up my room. This is awesome! Thank you for making me clean up my room." I almost did an obsessive compulsive mama happy dance--I had found the answer to her keeping her room clean. I lept on her comment like a cheetah after it's prey--"Well, if you kept your room clean you wouldn't have lost the money to begin with." If you google it you will find that cheetahs are the fastest mammals and typically they don't have predators--they've never met Caroline--a predator of cleanliness and faster than a cheetah...
"But finding money is fun! And if I keep my room clean I won't get to do this again. I know you're going to say well clean it every few days and you can find money, but that won't work either because there won't e MUCH money. Finding a lot of money is what makes it fun. I'll have to wait awhile to clean it again."
I didn't even finish dressing--downstairs for that VT--it's all about perspective.
18 June 2014
15 May 2014
We are Terrible Parents
It was a wonderful four days in Sea Island, Georgia with the youngest of my four children. The final middle school trip--bittersweet. And then....
We landed at 11:50; Caroline looked down at her phone and said, "I have to be at the lacrosse field in 25 minutes." So we ran through the airport, grabbed our bags and jumped into the car. I called Chris to let him know we were heading home and asked, "What's going on today?" Chris, "I have no idea; all I know is SK has taken my credit card and is running around doing all kinds of prom prep stuff." Me, "Okay, well here's what we've got tonight. Pictures at 4:30 at our house; then at 5:30 at Danielle's then at 6:30 at Tyler's. I'm driving them; Mason may go with me." I could hear Chris thinking, "You get the details; I get the bills." "Oh yeah," I added, "Caroline has play practice at 6; I've told Boss he's responsible for getting her there and back." (I didn't add that he hadn't confirmed he got the message--we'll worry about that later...)
We drove into the driveway; Caroline jumped out of the car and ran inside to get ready. Quick kiss for Chris and then trying to decide who was taking Caroline to the game. I still had Mother's Day gifts to finish. (Don't judge--they'd been planned for weeks; the plan just hadn't been executed.) As we were planning out the afternoon my phone kept blowing up with texts; I finally looked at it, "Can you bring a check?" Chris, "Seriously?!?!?! She has my card!" Texted SK back (how did she not understand his card and my check were from the same account--Lord help her in college) and ran out the door to take Caroline to her game before finishing Mother's Day shopping. As I was working on the gifts Chris called, "She's got the wrong color socks. Where are you?" "Still shopping; I'll head home." Chris, "No, that's fine. SK just drove up and I'll get her to run me over there on her way to her next beauty appointment--I don't know what it is pray for me" Me, "Hair" I could hear Chris sigh--
I finished my errands and then headed over to the game making it just in time for the second half and the thunder to start. We were thirsty so we decided to leave for the 30 minute game delay and get a diet coke, but as we were driving down the street I remembered Frankfort Avenue Beer Depot was on the next block. "Why don't we go get a beer?" "Don't have to ask me twice," Chris replied. We found a spot at the bar ordered a couple of beers and wings (I remembered I hadn't eaten lunch). "These are so good." I said to Chris, "I'm starving. Caroline and I didn't have lunch. Oh no! Caroline didn't have lunch. We are terrible parents" Chris, "There's some deli meat at home we'll feed her later. But why don't you text Rachel and ask what's going on since there is a torrential down pour going on." I texted Rachel and others and got no response. "Chris we should head back over there and see what's happening." Chris, "We just ordered second beers let's finish those first. Do you really want to run to the car in this?" We are terrible parents.
As we were finishing our beers my phone rings with a hysterical SK. "The rain is going to mess up my hair; this is awful. I just spent money to get it to look like this." (I didn't interrupt and remind her that it was actually my money) "And Christopher is being awful. I told him to go get the boutonniere that I forgot to pick up and he won't do it. I need you to come home right now." "SK," I tried to calmly say without letting her hear the laughter in my voice, "It's pouring down rain (I didn't add I was drinking beer) and we have to take care of your sister first. I'll text Boss and ask him to get the boutonniere (I also didn't add at the florist that you drove right past several times today)" Hung up the phone, took a sip of my beer and said to Chris, "We are terrible parents." He didn't disagree. Texted Boss and got this response, "I am but sk is being a psycho and I'm not going to listen to her freak out on my" I withheld my smart alec response of, "if you go get the boutonniere you'll be out of the house Einstein" Instead I tried to remove the we are terrible parent labels by running to the car and heading to the field--it didn't work because we did make sure we had finished our beers..
We made it to the field just as the game was being called--terrible parent labeling beginning to disappear. Caroline, "Where have ya'll been?" I was going to lie, but not my always honest husband, "Beer depot." Caroline screeching, "Are you kidding me?!!?!?! I'm starving. Can we stop and get something?" Chris, "We have stuff at home." Caroline, "ya'll are terrible parents." Yep, we knew that... Just then the phone rang, "where is the hair spray?" Me, "SK I have no idea. I don't use hair spray." She clearly didn't listen to me or to the tone of my voice that said, "I haven't used hair spray since perhaps my prom!" "Well I need it right now." I again tried to come out from under the label, "We'll stop and get some. What kind?" SK, "A kind that works." Oh the pressure..
We drove up to Walgreens and I asked Chris if he wanted to run in, "Are you kidding me? I would have no idea." (True--he's had no hair as long as I've known him--I just didn't want this responsibility.) "Caroline do you want to choose one?" Caroline, "Do I look stupid?" So I ran in and chose what I thought might work not answering her question... Back in the car and I tried to help give Chris some good news knowing he was about to walk into prom hell. "Guess what? I found Bobby's bark collar." Chris, "Maybe we can put it on SK." Caroline and I fell into peels of laughter--we are so deep into the terrible parent label we can't dig out with a shovel....
Got back to the house; no Boss. SK, "I'm so upset I think I'm going to be a terrible bride that everyone talks about. Thank goodness Mason is on her way over with a chai tea." I made no comment as I handed her the hair spray that she actually needed--really I was just so thankful Mason was on her way! (and maybe a chai tea was what she needed--for the first time ever I fleetingly thought, 'I hope it's spiked' ) Ding-dong--Chris, "Who's that?" "Probably Reggie she's coming to do SK's make-up." Chris, "I'm just going to go in the den." He did not add, and hide. Reggie set up in the dining room and started talking to SK. Ding dong--Mason walked in--Hallelujah! Chai tea handed out, drink made for Mason's mother and my dear friend Jamie and we all sat down to chat and destress. But then I started thinking, "Boss has been gone a really long time--where is he?" Just as I was about to track him with my iphone (I actually think this makes us good parents--the children may not agree) he drove up, walked in the house, threw (literally) the boutonniere and went upstairs. Something was clearly wrong--
"Chris," I said, "I think you need to check on Boss. Something is wrong and I don't know what it is." I sat back down at the table and said to Mason, "How was the wedding?" "MAMA" screamed SK as Mason turned red--well as red as a girl who is ghostly white because she's sick as a dog but the bestest friend ever--could. Jamie, "I think you missed something; let's go in the den." Jamie began to explain about the wedding date that didn't happen and the loser boy who texted the information on the day of three exams--file that away to warn my boys about--and SK yells from the dining room, "I need my dress." I heard Caroline scampering, read galloping, upstairs to get it as Chris walked back into the den, "he won't tell me." We definitely have our roles--they want Chris to talk through disappointments and success on the athletic field or court because as they say, "You wouldn't understand Mama" which I try not to take personally or to retort every time, "I played on the BOYS soccer team!!!" and they want me to talk about relationships which Chris tries to not take personally and I refrain from saying, "Daddy was a far better boyfriend than I was a girl friend." We just play our roles--probably continuing a long history of sexism but sometimes it's about survival, and remember, we are terrible parents--just add propogating sexist gender roles to the mis. I tried to decide whether to head up to Boss' room or back into the dining room--it's like a choice between a root canal and non anesthetized surgery when the door bell rang. The date was here--on time!
"Mama," SK yelled, "Do something!!!" I was honestly thinking about heading out the back door--really we are terrible parents--but instead I went to open the front door as she said, 'Take them straight into the den do not let them turn their eyes into here." I didn't know I wasn't supposed to tell them not to turn their eyes into there; I mean how else was I going to prevent it, but clearly by her growling I wasn't--terrible parent! As we walked into the den I heard Boss calling me. "Coming," I responded as Chris looked at me like, "Seriously you're going to leave me to entertain the date and his mother by myself?" I suspect the date was even more concerned...
I head into the foyer where Boss is tearing up telling me about a fight he had with his very best friend Charlotte. A tearing up 16 year old boy is really hard to take on a good day; on a day when you have a daughter dressing in the dining room, a date in the den with his mother, your husband and thank goodness one of your best friends--is almost impossible. I did try thought, "honey, I know it's hard. You and Charlotte love each other and are the best of friends but because one of you is a boy and one a girl sometimes things don't go smoothly." He wasn't getting it. I want to be subtle but time was of the essence, "Boss, hormones flair between ya'll even though you're just friends (frankly which I don't always believe). Sometimes it's hard for ya'll to hear about the other person's dates and stuff You have to be patient." "You totally don't understand." he said as I reached out to hug him. As I was hugging him I said, "I do understand. I've always had a boy best friend and high school and college could sometimes get tricky. Ya'll just have to talk it out when you can. Give her space." I really wanted to talk more but now I was being summoned for pictures. At this time William emerged from the basement, "What's going on up here?" Man I love that boy!
Took tons of pictures at our house before being told, "We have to leave now; pictures start at Danielle's in a few minutes." I left shouting to Chris, "I'll call you when we're done and let's get dinner." Got to Danielle's for pictures with 30 then off to Tyler's for pictures with 92--I took hundreds hoping she would like some. At this point we were all relaxing and SK was having a ball. As I was leaving she ran over to me gave me a big hug and said, "Thanks Mommy. Sorry I was so stressed. love you. See you tomorrow." Okay so maybe we're not terrible parents...
Drove up to our house and Chris came straight out the door. "Where have you been? It's been 2 1/2 hours. I'm starving." Me, "You don't want to know. Lots of pictures and they live way past that one 260 something that is really far away." (Eventually I will learn the interstates here; it's only been six years.") As we headed to get something to eat and spend some time talking the other three called, "What are we doing for dinner?" "We're going out. I'm sure there's some stuff there. See you later." Yep, that settles it we are terrible parents.
We landed at 11:50; Caroline looked down at her phone and said, "I have to be at the lacrosse field in 25 minutes." So we ran through the airport, grabbed our bags and jumped into the car. I called Chris to let him know we were heading home and asked, "What's going on today?" Chris, "I have no idea; all I know is SK has taken my credit card and is running around doing all kinds of prom prep stuff." Me, "Okay, well here's what we've got tonight. Pictures at 4:30 at our house; then at 5:30 at Danielle's then at 6:30 at Tyler's. I'm driving them; Mason may go with me." I could hear Chris thinking, "You get the details; I get the bills." "Oh yeah," I added, "Caroline has play practice at 6; I've told Boss he's responsible for getting her there and back." (I didn't add that he hadn't confirmed he got the message--we'll worry about that later...)
We drove into the driveway; Caroline jumped out of the car and ran inside to get ready. Quick kiss for Chris and then trying to decide who was taking Caroline to the game. I still had Mother's Day gifts to finish. (Don't judge--they'd been planned for weeks; the plan just hadn't been executed.) As we were planning out the afternoon my phone kept blowing up with texts; I finally looked at it, "Can you bring a check?" Chris, "Seriously?!?!?! She has my card!" Texted SK back (how did she not understand his card and my check were from the same account--Lord help her in college) and ran out the door to take Caroline to her game before finishing Mother's Day shopping. As I was working on the gifts Chris called, "She's got the wrong color socks. Where are you?" "Still shopping; I'll head home." Chris, "No, that's fine. SK just drove up and I'll get her to run me over there on her way to her next beauty appointment--I don't know what it is pray for me" Me, "Hair" I could hear Chris sigh--
I finished my errands and then headed over to the game making it just in time for the second half and the thunder to start. We were thirsty so we decided to leave for the 30 minute game delay and get a diet coke, but as we were driving down the street I remembered Frankfort Avenue Beer Depot was on the next block. "Why don't we go get a beer?" "Don't have to ask me twice," Chris replied. We found a spot at the bar ordered a couple of beers and wings (I remembered I hadn't eaten lunch). "These are so good." I said to Chris, "I'm starving. Caroline and I didn't have lunch. Oh no! Caroline didn't have lunch. We are terrible parents" Chris, "There's some deli meat at home we'll feed her later. But why don't you text Rachel and ask what's going on since there is a torrential down pour going on." I texted Rachel and others and got no response. "Chris we should head back over there and see what's happening." Chris, "We just ordered second beers let's finish those first. Do you really want to run to the car in this?" We are terrible parents.
As we were finishing our beers my phone rings with a hysterical SK. "The rain is going to mess up my hair; this is awful. I just spent money to get it to look like this." (I didn't interrupt and remind her that it was actually my money) "And Christopher is being awful. I told him to go get the boutonniere that I forgot to pick up and he won't do it. I need you to come home right now." "SK," I tried to calmly say without letting her hear the laughter in my voice, "It's pouring down rain (I didn't add I was drinking beer) and we have to take care of your sister first. I'll text Boss and ask him to get the boutonniere (I also didn't add at the florist that you drove right past several times today)" Hung up the phone, took a sip of my beer and said to Chris, "We are terrible parents." He didn't disagree. Texted Boss and got this response, "I am but sk is being a psycho and I'm not going to listen to her freak out on my" I withheld my smart alec response of, "if you go get the boutonniere you'll be out of the house Einstein" Instead I tried to remove the we are terrible parent labels by running to the car and heading to the field--it didn't work because we did make sure we had finished our beers..
We made it to the field just as the game was being called--terrible parent labeling beginning to disappear. Caroline, "Where have ya'll been?" I was going to lie, but not my always honest husband, "Beer depot." Caroline screeching, "Are you kidding me?!!?!?! I'm starving. Can we stop and get something?" Chris, "We have stuff at home." Caroline, "ya'll are terrible parents." Yep, we knew that... Just then the phone rang, "where is the hair spray?" Me, "SK I have no idea. I don't use hair spray." She clearly didn't listen to me or to the tone of my voice that said, "I haven't used hair spray since perhaps my prom!" "Well I need it right now." I again tried to come out from under the label, "We'll stop and get some. What kind?" SK, "A kind that works." Oh the pressure..
We drove up to Walgreens and I asked Chris if he wanted to run in, "Are you kidding me? I would have no idea." (True--he's had no hair as long as I've known him--I just didn't want this responsibility.) "Caroline do you want to choose one?" Caroline, "Do I look stupid?" So I ran in and chose what I thought might work not answering her question... Back in the car and I tried to help give Chris some good news knowing he was about to walk into prom hell. "Guess what? I found Bobby's bark collar." Chris, "Maybe we can put it on SK." Caroline and I fell into peels of laughter--we are so deep into the terrible parent label we can't dig out with a shovel....
Got back to the house; no Boss. SK, "I'm so upset I think I'm going to be a terrible bride that everyone talks about. Thank goodness Mason is on her way over with a chai tea." I made no comment as I handed her the hair spray that she actually needed--really I was just so thankful Mason was on her way! (and maybe a chai tea was what she needed--for the first time ever I fleetingly thought, 'I hope it's spiked' ) Ding-dong--Chris, "Who's that?" "Probably Reggie she's coming to do SK's make-up." Chris, "I'm just going to go in the den." He did not add, and hide. Reggie set up in the dining room and started talking to SK. Ding dong--Mason walked in--Hallelujah! Chai tea handed out, drink made for Mason's mother and my dear friend Jamie and we all sat down to chat and destress. But then I started thinking, "Boss has been gone a really long time--where is he?" Just as I was about to track him with my iphone (I actually think this makes us good parents--the children may not agree) he drove up, walked in the house, threw (literally) the boutonniere and went upstairs. Something was clearly wrong--
"Chris," I said, "I think you need to check on Boss. Something is wrong and I don't know what it is." I sat back down at the table and said to Mason, "How was the wedding?" "MAMA" screamed SK as Mason turned red--well as red as a girl who is ghostly white because she's sick as a dog but the bestest friend ever--could. Jamie, "I think you missed something; let's go in the den." Jamie began to explain about the wedding date that didn't happen and the loser boy who texted the information on the day of three exams--file that away to warn my boys about--and SK yells from the dining room, "I need my dress." I heard Caroline scampering, read galloping, upstairs to get it as Chris walked back into the den, "he won't tell me." We definitely have our roles--they want Chris to talk through disappointments and success on the athletic field or court because as they say, "You wouldn't understand Mama" which I try not to take personally or to retort every time, "I played on the BOYS soccer team!!!" and they want me to talk about relationships which Chris tries to not take personally and I refrain from saying, "Daddy was a far better boyfriend than I was a girl friend." We just play our roles--probably continuing a long history of sexism but sometimes it's about survival, and remember, we are terrible parents--just add propogating sexist gender roles to the mis. I tried to decide whether to head up to Boss' room or back into the dining room--it's like a choice between a root canal and non anesthetized surgery when the door bell rang. The date was here--on time!
"Mama," SK yelled, "Do something!!!" I was honestly thinking about heading out the back door--really we are terrible parents--but instead I went to open the front door as she said, 'Take them straight into the den do not let them turn their eyes into here." I didn't know I wasn't supposed to tell them not to turn their eyes into there; I mean how else was I going to prevent it, but clearly by her growling I wasn't--terrible parent! As we walked into the den I heard Boss calling me. "Coming," I responded as Chris looked at me like, "Seriously you're going to leave me to entertain the date and his mother by myself?" I suspect the date was even more concerned...
I head into the foyer where Boss is tearing up telling me about a fight he had with his very best friend Charlotte. A tearing up 16 year old boy is really hard to take on a good day; on a day when you have a daughter dressing in the dining room, a date in the den with his mother, your husband and thank goodness one of your best friends--is almost impossible. I did try thought, "honey, I know it's hard. You and Charlotte love each other and are the best of friends but because one of you is a boy and one a girl sometimes things don't go smoothly." He wasn't getting it. I want to be subtle but time was of the essence, "Boss, hormones flair between ya'll even though you're just friends (frankly which I don't always believe). Sometimes it's hard for ya'll to hear about the other person's dates and stuff You have to be patient." "You totally don't understand." he said as I reached out to hug him. As I was hugging him I said, "I do understand. I've always had a boy best friend and high school and college could sometimes get tricky. Ya'll just have to talk it out when you can. Give her space." I really wanted to talk more but now I was being summoned for pictures. At this time William emerged from the basement, "What's going on up here?" Man I love that boy!
Took tons of pictures at our house before being told, "We have to leave now; pictures start at Danielle's in a few minutes." I left shouting to Chris, "I'll call you when we're done and let's get dinner." Got to Danielle's for pictures with 30 then off to Tyler's for pictures with 92--I took hundreds hoping she would like some. At this point we were all relaxing and SK was having a ball. As I was leaving she ran over to me gave me a big hug and said, "Thanks Mommy. Sorry I was so stressed. love you. See you tomorrow." Okay so maybe we're not terrible parents...
Drove up to our house and Chris came straight out the door. "Where have you been? It's been 2 1/2 hours. I'm starving." Me, "You don't want to know. Lots of pictures and they live way past that one 260 something that is really far away." (Eventually I will learn the interstates here; it's only been six years.") As we headed to get something to eat and spend some time talking the other three called, "What are we doing for dinner?" "We're going out. I'm sure there's some stuff there. See you later." Yep, that settles it we are terrible parents.
06 May 2014
I Just Wanted a Graduation List and Now She's Getting Married
Yesterday Sarah Katherine received her first of many invitations to a graduation celebration, and I received a reminder that I needed to get hers ordered. So as we sat down in the den I reminded her I needed her list so that I knew how many to order. Chris, "Wait, how many people are we inviting?" I responded vaguely by saying, "This is why I'm telling you we need the bouncy house in the front yard--there will be lots of small children." Chris, "Isn't this a high school graduation party? Why are we having all these small children?" "Chris," I patiently said, "We have lots of nieces and nephews." SK slightly panicked, "And other close friends I want to invite that are like family and they have small children. Really Daddy they're practically family. I want to invite them. Pleeeeeeease" I patiently responded, "I'm putting them on the list." Chris, whom everyone thinks is a quiet gentle man is really a quiet gentle man who likes to quietly stir things up just to watch us all squirm, "Again, how many people are we inviting? I'm not sure about this whole thing." SK, "DADDY!! This is stressful enough. I've got to make the list, choose invitations--Mama can you just do that? Who knew this would be so hard? I'm never going to survive having to make lists and stuff for a wedding." Chris, "Good Lord, and how much will THAT cost?"
Now I'm not sure how we got from we haven't even graduated from high school to making wedding lists, and yet still I said, "We'll write you a check for $20,000 right now if you'll just elope." Chris looked at me as though I had just sprouted horns (I actually think he might sometimes think they are hidden somewhere.) "Have you lost your mind? We aren't writing her a check for $20,000 right now. We don't have $20,000 in our checking account right now." Perhaps SK was only partially listening because she piped in, "Wait, you're not going to pay for my wedding?" Honest to betsy I have no idea how this conversation had disintegrated to the level where we were actually having a serious discussion about a wedding to take place sometime in the WAY distant future with some unknown groom. "Monkey Moo," I tried to calmly say, "Of course we'll pay for your wedding. I'm just saying if you want to elope we'll write you a check." Chris hastingly interjected, "But not tonight!" "Well," continued SK, "I don't want a check I want a wedding I've already decided Mason is my maid or matron of honor.." Me interrupting in a panic, "It has to be Caroline!" "Obviously Mama, but Mason will also be up there as one of the honors. Hopefully she'll get married first so I can have one maid and one matron, but who knows. Besides I can work all that out, I'm just stressed about the list." This would have been a good place to end the conversation....
Chris, "Stressed about the list? You should be stressed about having to talk to all those people." SK, "It will be fun to talk to all my friends." Chris, "Obviously you're not stressed about talking to your friends--it's all the people you don't know." SK looked completely shocked and appalled. "Why would there be people there I don't know? It's MY wedding." "Well Monk," I calmly said, "There might be people from the groom's side you haven't met yet." "Well why do we have to invite them?" she challenged. I looked across the room and could see Chris' mind working to figure out how to stir her up more. While I was trying to figure out a way to derail his plan she piped in, "Well then I'm marrying an orphan. I don't want a bunch of people there I don't know." And then Chris threw the grenade...
"There's also this thing--the toasts--people get up and talk about you. People that have known you forever. Just wait until Daddy Adams talks..." SK, "Does he HAVE to come? Maybe he'll be busy. He is going to humiliate me!" Chris, "There is no way Daddy Adams will miss either your wedding or toasting you. He is going to totally nail you. Oh yeah, and Zach Crouch too. I can't wait to hear his." SK was turning pale, "Who else gets to toast me?" Chris, "Pretty much anyone who wants--Uncle Carter probably will since he's your Godfather." SK looking visibly relieved, "Thank goodness; he'll be normal and appropriate at a wedding." At this Chris and I burst into laughter. "Honey," Chris reported, "Uncle Carter is still famous for his antics at our wedding." I fell apart in uncontrollable laughter silently praying Chris wouldn't share those antics...
Sarah Katherine threw up her hands and said, "That's it! I'm totally stressed out; I have to go to bed."
Now I'm not sure how we got from we haven't even graduated from high school to making wedding lists, and yet still I said, "We'll write you a check for $20,000 right now if you'll just elope." Chris looked at me as though I had just sprouted horns (I actually think he might sometimes think they are hidden somewhere.) "Have you lost your mind? We aren't writing her a check for $20,000 right now. We don't have $20,000 in our checking account right now." Perhaps SK was only partially listening because she piped in, "Wait, you're not going to pay for my wedding?" Honest to betsy I have no idea how this conversation had disintegrated to the level where we were actually having a serious discussion about a wedding to take place sometime in the WAY distant future with some unknown groom. "Monkey Moo," I tried to calmly say, "Of course we'll pay for your wedding. I'm just saying if you want to elope we'll write you a check." Chris hastingly interjected, "But not tonight!" "Well," continued SK, "I don't want a check I want a wedding I've already decided Mason is my maid or matron of honor.." Me interrupting in a panic, "It has to be Caroline!" "Obviously Mama, but Mason will also be up there as one of the honors. Hopefully she'll get married first so I can have one maid and one matron, but who knows. Besides I can work all that out, I'm just stressed about the list." This would have been a good place to end the conversation....
Chris, "Stressed about the list? You should be stressed about having to talk to all those people." SK, "It will be fun to talk to all my friends." Chris, "Obviously you're not stressed about talking to your friends--it's all the people you don't know." SK looked completely shocked and appalled. "Why would there be people there I don't know? It's MY wedding." "Well Monk," I calmly said, "There might be people from the groom's side you haven't met yet." "Well why do we have to invite them?" she challenged. I looked across the room and could see Chris' mind working to figure out how to stir her up more. While I was trying to figure out a way to derail his plan she piped in, "Well then I'm marrying an orphan. I don't want a bunch of people there I don't know." And then Chris threw the grenade...
"There's also this thing--the toasts--people get up and talk about you. People that have known you forever. Just wait until Daddy Adams talks..." SK, "Does he HAVE to come? Maybe he'll be busy. He is going to humiliate me!" Chris, "There is no way Daddy Adams will miss either your wedding or toasting you. He is going to totally nail you. Oh yeah, and Zach Crouch too. I can't wait to hear his." SK was turning pale, "Who else gets to toast me?" Chris, "Pretty much anyone who wants--Uncle Carter probably will since he's your Godfather." SK looking visibly relieved, "Thank goodness; he'll be normal and appropriate at a wedding." At this Chris and I burst into laughter. "Honey," Chris reported, "Uncle Carter is still famous for his antics at our wedding." I fell apart in uncontrollable laughter silently praying Chris wouldn't share those antics...
Sarah Katherine threw up her hands and said, "That's it! I'm totally stressed out; I have to go to bed."
28 April 2014
Ice Cream and Uterine Linings
Caroline was so grumpy as we left the lacrosse field Saturday morning. They had tied after being ahead most of the game. She didn't think she'dplayed well and she was really down on herself. I kept trying to get her to smile and none of my usual antics were working. She was not impressed with my dancing in the parking lot or singing--this new competitive Caroline is going to take getting used to!
William wanted Brueggers bagels and Caroline wanted a salad from Chop Shop--another thing to get used to Caroline asking for nutritious meals. They're across the street from each other, so both could be happy--score for Mama and Daddy--two kids wanting different things and we can do both with minimal effort. Caroline did not perk up during lunch a fact made clear when she tried to stab William's hand with her fork (plastic) when he touched her pita bread. Fortunately for Caroline I was being sidetracked by her sister texting me from traffic school and explaining to me that she was pretty sure this is what hell was like and perhaps I could work that into a sermon sometime. (I love getting sermon advice from the children; most of the time it is just 'make sure it's short'.)
As we walked into the house Caroline saw Boss eating ice cream. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!" she shouted, "HOW COME NO ONE TOLD ME WE HAVE ICE CREAM?" I refrained from saying either, "It's a state secret" which would have been obnoxiously sarcastic or "So much for eating healthy" which would have been both obnoxiously sarcastic and mean. Instead I said, "you're welcome to have some." "Oh don't worry," she responded as she began to dish it out, "I plan to." (I also refrained from chastising Boss for eating directly out of the container; he'd just awakened after being out on his blind prom date. That's another post..)
At this moment William walked into the kitchen, "What we have ice cream? No one told me." Seriously I do not hide ice cream (I do however hide my special oatcake cookies..). Boss, "I found it just by opening the freezer door." Caroline glared at him. "Can I have some?" William asked. "NO!" Caroline shrieked as she glared. "What is wrong with her Mama?" William asked me. I was about to say, "How much time do you have?" but I was stopped by Caroline saying, "I'm PMSing, you're not. I get ice cream." At this moment the basement door opened and Laney a sleep over friend emerged--I thought she'd left earlier in the morning. Obviously the shrieking was enough to wake her even though her phone ringing wasn't--welcome to the Doyle's! William began treading into dangerous waters when he said, "So just because you're a girl you get ice cream whenever you want?" "Yes," Caroline spat out, "Do you have to put up with this every month?" I looked over at William and saw in his eyes what he was thinking; I silently said Anne Lamott's quick Help prayer willing him not to say, "Actually yes I do have to put up with it every month THROUGH YOU!!!" He didn't say it--crisis averted! "Laney," I sweetly asked, "Would you like some ice cream?" "Yes please," she answered without shrieking--she is welcome ANYTIME! Caroline glared at me and perhaps at Laney too. We are so hospitable.
She finished scooping out her ice cream, left the container on the counter (I assumed it was so William and Laney could actually get some--at least that's what I chose to assume so I didn't have to fuss at her for not cleaning up after herself), walked into the den and said, "I'm going to just go in here, be grumpy, eat my ice cream and wait for my uterine lining to shed."
William silently scooped out his ice cream and offered to make Laney a milkshake. without asking her about her uterine lining--he's learning. His wife can thank us now.
William wanted Brueggers bagels and Caroline wanted a salad from Chop Shop--another thing to get used to Caroline asking for nutritious meals. They're across the street from each other, so both could be happy--score for Mama and Daddy--two kids wanting different things and we can do both with minimal effort. Caroline did not perk up during lunch a fact made clear when she tried to stab William's hand with her fork (plastic) when he touched her pita bread. Fortunately for Caroline I was being sidetracked by her sister texting me from traffic school and explaining to me that she was pretty sure this is what hell was like and perhaps I could work that into a sermon sometime. (I love getting sermon advice from the children; most of the time it is just 'make sure it's short'.)
As we walked into the house Caroline saw Boss eating ice cream. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!" she shouted, "HOW COME NO ONE TOLD ME WE HAVE ICE CREAM?" I refrained from saying either, "It's a state secret" which would have been obnoxiously sarcastic or "So much for eating healthy" which would have been both obnoxiously sarcastic and mean. Instead I said, "you're welcome to have some." "Oh don't worry," she responded as she began to dish it out, "I plan to." (I also refrained from chastising Boss for eating directly out of the container; he'd just awakened after being out on his blind prom date. That's another post..)
At this moment William walked into the kitchen, "What we have ice cream? No one told me." Seriously I do not hide ice cream (I do however hide my special oatcake cookies..). Boss, "I found it just by opening the freezer door." Caroline glared at him. "Can I have some?" William asked. "NO!" Caroline shrieked as she glared. "What is wrong with her Mama?" William asked me. I was about to say, "How much time do you have?" but I was stopped by Caroline saying, "I'm PMSing, you're not. I get ice cream." At this moment the basement door opened and Laney a sleep over friend emerged--I thought she'd left earlier in the morning. Obviously the shrieking was enough to wake her even though her phone ringing wasn't--welcome to the Doyle's! William began treading into dangerous waters when he said, "So just because you're a girl you get ice cream whenever you want?" "Yes," Caroline spat out, "Do you have to put up with this every month?" I looked over at William and saw in his eyes what he was thinking; I silently said Anne Lamott's quick Help prayer willing him not to say, "Actually yes I do have to put up with it every month THROUGH YOU!!!" He didn't say it--crisis averted! "Laney," I sweetly asked, "Would you like some ice cream?" "Yes please," she answered without shrieking--she is welcome ANYTIME! Caroline glared at me and perhaps at Laney too. We are so hospitable.
She finished scooping out her ice cream, left the container on the counter (I assumed it was so William and Laney could actually get some--at least that's what I chose to assume so I didn't have to fuss at her for not cleaning up after herself), walked into the den and said, "I'm going to just go in here, be grumpy, eat my ice cream and wait for my uterine lining to shed."
William silently scooped out his ice cream and offered to make Laney a milkshake. without asking her about her uterine lining--he's learning. His wife can thank us now.
24 April 2014
My Multiple Personalities
Last week I sat in my therapist's office telling her how I felt like I had multiple personality disorder. "I don't know who I am half the time, and I don't have time to even sit down and figure it out, " I whined. As she often so elegantly does she simply responded, "I'm sure you do feel that way. You have four teenagers, work a full time chaotic job, and have a husband who travels. It's really quite nuts." Yes, I pay her for stating the obvious--happy to hand her card out to anyone; she is AMAZING at stating the obvious. Yesterday was certainly one of those MMP days.
Woke up to the smell of dog poo poo. Boss woke up first; Avett (the dog) is trained to do his business as soon as someone comes downstairs (which typically is me which also means I know to put him out immediately). So I gag as I clean up the mess, spray the lysol, light the candle and make the coffee. The husband is out of town, four teenagers scrambling to get to school with lacrosse uniforms in tow for the 4:30 game. Oh wait, that's not how it happened--Caroline stepped on a large tack in her room; goes all the way into her foot; we all gather around her. Boss calls her Ricky Bobby as we convince her to pull out the tack so it "doesn't have to be cut out with a knife at the hospital." I head to check immunization records while Boss and William hope she has to get a tetnus shot (brothers are so loving). I think, "I really don't have time to take her in for a shot." (Mama's are so practical) We're good for another four months--note to self make doctor's appointments now. SK convinces Caroline to be a decoy in the yard so she could get in her car and not be shot by another senior (with a water gun); Caroline is running/limping decoy which makes her late being prepared which sends Boss into a fit. William kept a very low profile, kissed me good bye and climbed into the truck. I headed out for a quick run before heading to the hospital to say prayers before a surgery. Oh yeah and between this time I did some laundry, vacuumed the house and tried to keep my neighbors and my children from killing Bobby the barking dog.
As I returned from my run I remembered I hadn't put the plastic spoons in the car to go with the mandarin oranges for the team meal--which made me thinking about lacrosse games. JV at 4:15 and Varsity at 6:00--debated asking the boys if I could just come to JV so I could go to an Al Anon meeting at 6:00--decided to do it. (They're quite used to getting texts from me asking these bizarre things.) No problem they both said. So off to the hospital I went.
As often happens at a hospital, everything was backed up. I sat with the family for awhile and then realized I wasn't going to have time to get downtown to get my vestments for the 1:00 pm funeral that was way out east. Thank goodness for best friends who are also priests--quick text to Emily--yep I can use hers. As I'm leaving the hospital I see Costco-Mama mode clicks in--they need razors, deodorant and q-tips--forgot the Q-tips but got rotisserie chicken salad and hummus. I consider that a win. Off to St. Matthews to get Emily's vestments; pop into the nursery to see Charlotte (she smiled and waved her arms--yep walking on air). Rushed home to put the hummus and chicken in the fridge and then out to Middleton for the funeral. What an honor it is to be a part of these celebrations of life! I decided to drive myself to the cemetery since it was across from Collegiate where I had to have the team meal put out by 3:15--multi tasking at its best. As I'm driving down the interstate I return several calls (driving slowly and using speaker of course). I should have stopped when I made one call and had to ask, "Who is this? I can't remember who I just called." Person answered and I responded, "Why did I call you?" Yep--obviously too much going on. While driving Caroline texts me she has detention and won't be done until 3:45--lucky for her I'm not going to be mad about the time as I've got pregame meal--detention madness to be determined.
As I was walking behind the body to the graveside trying not to sink because I was still in my heels because once again I forgot to have a pair of flats in the car for just this purpose, I remembered that the last time I had pregame meal I also had a funeral--note to self remind everyone to be very careful next time I'm scheduled for pregame meal. Got to school, meal set out, impromptu golf scramble meeting, Caroline finished with detention, jump in the car to head to lacrosse; I'm starting to relax. Big mistake--phone rings. Boss, "I don't have my uniform shorts can you run home and get them on the way to the game?" Picture a triangle here--the points are the locations where I was, where I was going, and where the house is--but of course, what else am I going to do? Return another phone call as I rush home, run upstairs (still in the heels), grab the shorts and back in the car. "Caroline," I say, "I'll get as close as I can to the field jump out and give him his shorts." Boss sees us coming--they run towards each other like long lost lovers in a field of daisy's with sappy music playing. Boss grabs the shorts and I wonder where he's going to change--stupid waste of time wondering that--drops his shorts right there on the sidelines, grabs his stick, and races onto the field. Great game--Doyle brothers on defense--big win! I'm getting ready to leave the field when I see William warming up for Varsity. WHAT?!?!?!?! This is not what's supposed to happen. I have a plan and my plan is to leave--how can I leave if this might be his first ever varsity lacrosse game not to mention (and really the reason) what if he gets hurt and I'm not here? So I sit back down and Caroline yells down the bleachers, "Aren't you leaving for Al Anon?" Now I'm transparent, but...
By half time I realize that he's most likely not going to be going in and I'm exhausted and uncomfortable, so I roll the dice and decide that it's worth the possible need for more therapy if he does get in (I've got a great therapist remember?) and head home. Another impromptu golf scramble meeting in the parking lot and I'm out of the parking lot. Just as I settle down in front of the news with a glass of wine the phone rings- (I really don't have good luck with ringing phones)-"will you be there in 10 minutes. I've got SK's car ready." We've been waiting for this new (1990 lexus) car for SK; Chris is getting home tonight, we need this car, so I sigh and say yes. Walt gets to the house with the car and I say, "let me get my purse and I'll drive you home." Grabbed my purse but no shoes-I have on socks and my feet are still tired. As I arrive at Walt's the phone starts blowing up--"where are we going to dinner?" We make a decision; I think I have plenty of time so I go into Walt's to talk to Andrea for a few minutes. Phone continues blowing up; they're already there. I text SK and tell her where to go but don't tell her I have her car. We get there at the same time--excitement and it's a way to be incognito until someone learns she has a new car--yep this is the way we think in our house during Senior Soaker season. Boss looks down, "Mama! You don't have on any shoes; they're never going to let you in." I just walked in--at this point I just want to actually finish a beer and eat. We're sitting at the table when SK's anxiety begins to rise; physics is calling her name so she decides not to wait--grabs her guns off the table (how many people can say that), enlists Caroline to run decoy again and she's gone. During dinner I'm trying to explain to Boss why his prom date doesn't want to go to prom in his truck. He is really not getting it. He tells me he offered to build her a step stool; I offer my car. "No way! That's a total soccer mom car." (great now I have another personality to had to my diagnosis). We eat and head home.
As we get home I begin to think about relaxing again--Boss, "SK why do you care so much about grades when you're already in UVA? You just can't fail." He grabs her water gun and starts shooting her (yes this was in my dining room). She gets wet but more importantly her physics notebook gets wet and she bursts into tears. Boss clearly recognizes this isn't a joke and races upstairs to get the hair dryer. (Text from Chris--his already late plane is going to be later; he offers to take a cab. I know I shouldn't do it but I agree.) The physics notebook is saved; Caroline is laughing hysterically which gets her ambushed by both big kids with water guns (yes still in my dining room). William, "Does anyone know where my back pack is?" All I can think is it better not be at the field; I should have been thinking, "It's 10 o'clock and you're just realizing you don't have your backpack--homework dude!" Backpack found--I begin to sit down again thinking I'll have some silence when Caroline says, "Mama are we going to bed or watching some crime show?" I know one day she isn't going to want to hang out with me--crime show it is. Both of us begin to fall asleep so we decide to head upstairs where I remind her she can't sleep with me because Daddy will be home tonight.
As I climb into bed I have a brief moment of clarity (read sanity), "Yep, Becky's right. It is nuts; guess I'll just have to embrace it." And so I wake up this morning again believing I have control...
Therapy appointment set for next week...
Woke up to the smell of dog poo poo. Boss woke up first; Avett (the dog) is trained to do his business as soon as someone comes downstairs (which typically is me which also means I know to put him out immediately). So I gag as I clean up the mess, spray the lysol, light the candle and make the coffee. The husband is out of town, four teenagers scrambling to get to school with lacrosse uniforms in tow for the 4:30 game. Oh wait, that's not how it happened--Caroline stepped on a large tack in her room; goes all the way into her foot; we all gather around her. Boss calls her Ricky Bobby as we convince her to pull out the tack so it "doesn't have to be cut out with a knife at the hospital." I head to check immunization records while Boss and William hope she has to get a tetnus shot (brothers are so loving). I think, "I really don't have time to take her in for a shot." (Mama's are so practical) We're good for another four months--note to self make doctor's appointments now. SK convinces Caroline to be a decoy in the yard so she could get in her car and not be shot by another senior (with a water gun); Caroline is running/limping decoy which makes her late being prepared which sends Boss into a fit. William kept a very low profile, kissed me good bye and climbed into the truck. I headed out for a quick run before heading to the hospital to say prayers before a surgery. Oh yeah and between this time I did some laundry, vacuumed the house and tried to keep my neighbors and my children from killing Bobby the barking dog.
As I returned from my run I remembered I hadn't put the plastic spoons in the car to go with the mandarin oranges for the team meal--which made me thinking about lacrosse games. JV at 4:15 and Varsity at 6:00--debated asking the boys if I could just come to JV so I could go to an Al Anon meeting at 6:00--decided to do it. (They're quite used to getting texts from me asking these bizarre things.) No problem they both said. So off to the hospital I went.
As often happens at a hospital, everything was backed up. I sat with the family for awhile and then realized I wasn't going to have time to get downtown to get my vestments for the 1:00 pm funeral that was way out east. Thank goodness for best friends who are also priests--quick text to Emily--yep I can use hers. As I'm leaving the hospital I see Costco-Mama mode clicks in--they need razors, deodorant and q-tips--forgot the Q-tips but got rotisserie chicken salad and hummus. I consider that a win. Off to St. Matthews to get Emily's vestments; pop into the nursery to see Charlotte (she smiled and waved her arms--yep walking on air). Rushed home to put the hummus and chicken in the fridge and then out to Middleton for the funeral. What an honor it is to be a part of these celebrations of life! I decided to drive myself to the cemetery since it was across from Collegiate where I had to have the team meal put out by 3:15--multi tasking at its best. As I'm driving down the interstate I return several calls (driving slowly and using speaker of course). I should have stopped when I made one call and had to ask, "Who is this? I can't remember who I just called." Person answered and I responded, "Why did I call you?" Yep--obviously too much going on. While driving Caroline texts me she has detention and won't be done until 3:45--lucky for her I'm not going to be mad about the time as I've got pregame meal--detention madness to be determined.
As I was walking behind the body to the graveside trying not to sink because I was still in my heels because once again I forgot to have a pair of flats in the car for just this purpose, I remembered that the last time I had pregame meal I also had a funeral--note to self remind everyone to be very careful next time I'm scheduled for pregame meal. Got to school, meal set out, impromptu golf scramble meeting, Caroline finished with detention, jump in the car to head to lacrosse; I'm starting to relax. Big mistake--phone rings. Boss, "I don't have my uniform shorts can you run home and get them on the way to the game?" Picture a triangle here--the points are the locations where I was, where I was going, and where the house is--but of course, what else am I going to do? Return another phone call as I rush home, run upstairs (still in the heels), grab the shorts and back in the car. "Caroline," I say, "I'll get as close as I can to the field jump out and give him his shorts." Boss sees us coming--they run towards each other like long lost lovers in a field of daisy's with sappy music playing. Boss grabs the shorts and I wonder where he's going to change--stupid waste of time wondering that--drops his shorts right there on the sidelines, grabs his stick, and races onto the field. Great game--Doyle brothers on defense--big win! I'm getting ready to leave the field when I see William warming up for Varsity. WHAT?!?!?!?! This is not what's supposed to happen. I have a plan and my plan is to leave--how can I leave if this might be his first ever varsity lacrosse game not to mention (and really the reason) what if he gets hurt and I'm not here? So I sit back down and Caroline yells down the bleachers, "Aren't you leaving for Al Anon?" Now I'm transparent, but...
By half time I realize that he's most likely not going to be going in and I'm exhausted and uncomfortable, so I roll the dice and decide that it's worth the possible need for more therapy if he does get in (I've got a great therapist remember?) and head home. Another impromptu golf scramble meeting in the parking lot and I'm out of the parking lot. Just as I settle down in front of the news with a glass of wine the phone rings- (I really don't have good luck with ringing phones)-"will you be there in 10 minutes. I've got SK's car ready." We've been waiting for this new (1990 lexus) car for SK; Chris is getting home tonight, we need this car, so I sigh and say yes. Walt gets to the house with the car and I say, "let me get my purse and I'll drive you home." Grabbed my purse but no shoes-I have on socks and my feet are still tired. As I arrive at Walt's the phone starts blowing up--"where are we going to dinner?" We make a decision; I think I have plenty of time so I go into Walt's to talk to Andrea for a few minutes. Phone continues blowing up; they're already there. I text SK and tell her where to go but don't tell her I have her car. We get there at the same time--excitement and it's a way to be incognito until someone learns she has a new car--yep this is the way we think in our house during Senior Soaker season. Boss looks down, "Mama! You don't have on any shoes; they're never going to let you in." I just walked in--at this point I just want to actually finish a beer and eat. We're sitting at the table when SK's anxiety begins to rise; physics is calling her name so she decides not to wait--grabs her guns off the table (how many people can say that), enlists Caroline to run decoy again and she's gone. During dinner I'm trying to explain to Boss why his prom date doesn't want to go to prom in his truck. He is really not getting it. He tells me he offered to build her a step stool; I offer my car. "No way! That's a total soccer mom car." (great now I have another personality to had to my diagnosis). We eat and head home.
As we get home I begin to think about relaxing again--Boss, "SK why do you care so much about grades when you're already in UVA? You just can't fail." He grabs her water gun and starts shooting her (yes this was in my dining room). She gets wet but more importantly her physics notebook gets wet and she bursts into tears. Boss clearly recognizes this isn't a joke and races upstairs to get the hair dryer. (Text from Chris--his already late plane is going to be later; he offers to take a cab. I know I shouldn't do it but I agree.) The physics notebook is saved; Caroline is laughing hysterically which gets her ambushed by both big kids with water guns (yes still in my dining room). William, "Does anyone know where my back pack is?" All I can think is it better not be at the field; I should have been thinking, "It's 10 o'clock and you're just realizing you don't have your backpack--homework dude!" Backpack found--I begin to sit down again thinking I'll have some silence when Caroline says, "Mama are we going to bed or watching some crime show?" I know one day she isn't going to want to hang out with me--crime show it is. Both of us begin to fall asleep so we decide to head upstairs where I remind her she can't sleep with me because Daddy will be home tonight.
As I climb into bed I have a brief moment of clarity (read sanity), "Yep, Becky's right. It is nuts; guess I'll just have to embrace it." And so I wake up this morning again believing I have control...
Therapy appointment set for next week...
28 March 2014
It kept coming back to Ross....
"UGHH!" said Caroline as she threw herself and her back pack in the front seat after school yesterday. (And trust me the throwing a 5' 10" body around plus an oversized backpack certainly makes an impression on the driver. I gripped the steering wheel as the car shook a little.) Rachel calmly got into the back seat bursting into uncontrollable laughter. It is always a risk asking Caroline how her day was--you never know what antics have happened, but when her best friend is in hysterics, you can pretty safely assume you're not going to get a G rated answer. But I asked anyway...
"The day was fine until the end," started Caroline. "Then Garrett decided he wanted to pickpocket my backpack, so he reached into the pocket and pulled out a TAMPON! Then he was embarrassed when he realized what it was so he threw it across the floor." Rachel is now doubled over in laughter trying desperately to breathe as she says, "And Caroline ran over there to pick it up without her backpack so she had to carry it back in her hand!" Caroline, "I had to go get it--Mama you tell me they're expensive, plus I need to always be prepared. But then Garrett wanted to talk to me. Really?!?!?!?" "I'm sorry," I said, "That does sound like a bad way to end the day." "Oh no," interrupted Caroline, "That wasn't the bad part. The bad part was I had another fight with Ross." "Caroline," I tried to calmly say, "You have to leave Ross alone. He's a senior; he doesn't want to deal with you." Caroline abruptly turned her body to face me (well as much as you can turn a 5' 10" body in a seat belt) and with complete annoyance she shrieked, "HE STARTED IT!!" I was having a very hard time believing a senior boy started an argument with an 8th grader, so I asked the question... "Well," Caroline said as she settled down in her seat, "He walked by me and gave me a mean look so I said, 'Why are you always looking at me mean?' and then I said to Gingi (her nickname for another senior boy), 'Make him stop being mean to me all the time.' so Gingi told him to leave me alone (well he used some words you don't like but you get the point.) And then I said, 'why are you so mean?' and he said because you're annoying. So," continued Caroline without taking a breath, "I asked him how I was annoying. And he said like when you just walk up to random senior boys and hold their hands. Can you believe it Mama? He's holding what I did last semester against me?" While Caroline was now forced to take a breath so she didn't pass out I was desperately trying to come up with an answer---last fall she would walk up to random boys and hold their hands as they walked down the hall. There was a part of me that was horrified, a part of me that was amused, and honestly a part of me that secretly envied her self confidence. "Well," I said, "Maybe not all the boys thought it was as funny as Gingi did." Caroline had me so befuddled now I was using the nickname! Caroline, "Like I told him--you shouldn't hold what I did last semester against me; I was so much less mature." I was trying to stifle my laughter as I said, "Maybe you should just leave him alone." "I will when he stops giving me mean looks." Clearly she is so much more mature. Lord have mercy...
Later that afternoon SK and I were catching up on her day. "Can I just go ahead and click this accept button for UVA?" "ABSOLUTELY!" I exclaimed. Now I was ready to talk about choosing dorms (definitely Old Dorms), room mates, colors etc but instead I heard, "I heard Ross and Caroline got in another argument today." "How in the world did you hear about it already? You go to a totally different school and it JUST happened?" SK, "It happens all the time and they both start texting me telling me how annoying the other one is." I could only shake my head as I tried to figure out a way to not go to the lacrosse games--it was so cold and windy. SK reading my mind, "If you don't go you'll feel guilty and never get over it. You'll keep telling yourself how you aren't seeing them for a whole week, what a terrible mother you are, and next week will be miserable for me on the cruise." I wanted to comment on how she was making it about her, but she had a point and so I left wondering if I needed a disguise so Ross' parents wouldn't recognize that I was the mother of the annoying 8th grader who fortunately didn't want to go.
After the game we all went to dinner where we watched basketball and excitedly talked about our different spring break plans. "You know Mama, a lot of people are going to Panama City and that place is wild." Christopher informed me. "One of my teachers told me that 60% of people between the ages of 15 and 18 years old get in some type of trouble down there." I thought about asking how you could possibly collect that data but I was also relieved that none of mine were going there whether the survey was statistically significant or not. I really should have turned it into a stats lesson because SK pipes up, "Yeah last year a bunch of girls came back from Panama with chlamydia." "Chla what?" asked Caroline "An STD" SK answered matter-of-factly. Caroline, "That would be awful to have some disease you couldn't even pronounce." Now while I was trying to get my head around that comment and turn this into a health lesson stressing that not being able to pronounce it would be the least of your problems Christopher interjected, "You know how bad our defense has been lately?" I must have looked as perplexed as I felt; all I could think was this conversation was going somewhere related to the saying 'slipped one past the goalie' (so I really am a 15 year old boy at heart) because Christopher exasperatedly continued, "the lacrosse defense." (He secretly knows I'm a 15 year old boy at heart) "Anyway, we haven't had much energy; have looked pretty dead. So I told Ross (oh boy here we go again) that we needed to do the nay nay and he said, 'shut up Doyle' But then we did it and did you see how awesome we were tonight? We had a whole new level of energy. Now Ross has to admit I'm right. We'll probably do it every game." And now they are all demonstrating the nay nay (a dance) as I watched the glasses positive that one was about to go sailing off the table. "He probably is annoyed with you because you're a Doyle. He and Caroline got in another argument today." I explained. At this William put his head in his hands. "Please Caroline," he begged "you've got to stop. Do you know how much hazing I'm going to get from him because of you? It's going to hurt." Caroline, "I can't let him get away with it. Until he stops looking mean at me I'm not going to stop annoying him." "Caroline," Christopher tried to explain, "William really will get hazed--he's a freshman." Caroline looked around the table smugly and then directly at William and said, "Guess you'll have to take one for the team--the Doyle team."
I am so glad it's spring break--I bet Ross is too.
"The day was fine until the end," started Caroline. "Then Garrett decided he wanted to pickpocket my backpack, so he reached into the pocket and pulled out a TAMPON! Then he was embarrassed when he realized what it was so he threw it across the floor." Rachel is now doubled over in laughter trying desperately to breathe as she says, "And Caroline ran over there to pick it up without her backpack so she had to carry it back in her hand!" Caroline, "I had to go get it--Mama you tell me they're expensive, plus I need to always be prepared. But then Garrett wanted to talk to me. Really?!?!?!?" "I'm sorry," I said, "That does sound like a bad way to end the day." "Oh no," interrupted Caroline, "That wasn't the bad part. The bad part was I had another fight with Ross." "Caroline," I tried to calmly say, "You have to leave Ross alone. He's a senior; he doesn't want to deal with you." Caroline abruptly turned her body to face me (well as much as you can turn a 5' 10" body in a seat belt) and with complete annoyance she shrieked, "HE STARTED IT!!" I was having a very hard time believing a senior boy started an argument with an 8th grader, so I asked the question... "Well," Caroline said as she settled down in her seat, "He walked by me and gave me a mean look so I said, 'Why are you always looking at me mean?' and then I said to Gingi (her nickname for another senior boy), 'Make him stop being mean to me all the time.' so Gingi told him to leave me alone (well he used some words you don't like but you get the point.) And then I said, 'why are you so mean?' and he said because you're annoying. So," continued Caroline without taking a breath, "I asked him how I was annoying. And he said like when you just walk up to random senior boys and hold their hands. Can you believe it Mama? He's holding what I did last semester against me?" While Caroline was now forced to take a breath so she didn't pass out I was desperately trying to come up with an answer---last fall she would walk up to random boys and hold their hands as they walked down the hall. There was a part of me that was horrified, a part of me that was amused, and honestly a part of me that secretly envied her self confidence. "Well," I said, "Maybe not all the boys thought it was as funny as Gingi did." Caroline had me so befuddled now I was using the nickname! Caroline, "Like I told him--you shouldn't hold what I did last semester against me; I was so much less mature." I was trying to stifle my laughter as I said, "Maybe you should just leave him alone." "I will when he stops giving me mean looks." Clearly she is so much more mature. Lord have mercy...
Later that afternoon SK and I were catching up on her day. "Can I just go ahead and click this accept button for UVA?" "ABSOLUTELY!" I exclaimed. Now I was ready to talk about choosing dorms (definitely Old Dorms), room mates, colors etc but instead I heard, "I heard Ross and Caroline got in another argument today." "How in the world did you hear about it already? You go to a totally different school and it JUST happened?" SK, "It happens all the time and they both start texting me telling me how annoying the other one is." I could only shake my head as I tried to figure out a way to not go to the lacrosse games--it was so cold and windy. SK reading my mind, "If you don't go you'll feel guilty and never get over it. You'll keep telling yourself how you aren't seeing them for a whole week, what a terrible mother you are, and next week will be miserable for me on the cruise." I wanted to comment on how she was making it about her, but she had a point and so I left wondering if I needed a disguise so Ross' parents wouldn't recognize that I was the mother of the annoying 8th grader who fortunately didn't want to go.
After the game we all went to dinner where we watched basketball and excitedly talked about our different spring break plans. "You know Mama, a lot of people are going to Panama City and that place is wild." Christopher informed me. "One of my teachers told me that 60% of people between the ages of 15 and 18 years old get in some type of trouble down there." I thought about asking how you could possibly collect that data but I was also relieved that none of mine were going there whether the survey was statistically significant or not. I really should have turned it into a stats lesson because SK pipes up, "Yeah last year a bunch of girls came back from Panama with chlamydia." "Chla what?" asked Caroline "An STD" SK answered matter-of-factly. Caroline, "That would be awful to have some disease you couldn't even pronounce." Now while I was trying to get my head around that comment and turn this into a health lesson stressing that not being able to pronounce it would be the least of your problems Christopher interjected, "You know how bad our defense has been lately?" I must have looked as perplexed as I felt; all I could think was this conversation was going somewhere related to the saying 'slipped one past the goalie' (so I really am a 15 year old boy at heart) because Christopher exasperatedly continued, "the lacrosse defense." (He secretly knows I'm a 15 year old boy at heart) "Anyway, we haven't had much energy; have looked pretty dead. So I told Ross (oh boy here we go again) that we needed to do the nay nay and he said, 'shut up Doyle' But then we did it and did you see how awesome we were tonight? We had a whole new level of energy. Now Ross has to admit I'm right. We'll probably do it every game." And now they are all demonstrating the nay nay (a dance) as I watched the glasses positive that one was about to go sailing off the table. "He probably is annoyed with you because you're a Doyle. He and Caroline got in another argument today." I explained. At this William put his head in his hands. "Please Caroline," he begged "you've got to stop. Do you know how much hazing I'm going to get from him because of you? It's going to hurt." Caroline, "I can't let him get away with it. Until he stops looking mean at me I'm not going to stop annoying him." "Caroline," Christopher tried to explain, "William really will get hazed--he's a freshman." Caroline looked around the table smugly and then directly at William and said, "Guess you'll have to take one for the team--the Doyle team."
I am so glad it's spring break--I bet Ross is too.
07 March 2014
And then the tampons fell out....
Today was quite the day...
It all started when my phone rang and a good friend said, "Don't panic if you look outside and see me hanging out around the truck I'm trying to fix the grill on the front and to figure out what's wrong with the tire." This is an important detail--it's really the backdrop of the whole day. The truck is sitting in the driveway because there is "something wrong with the tire" which is code language for "I don't know what the hell is wrong with it, but it won't drive so let's call Walt." Bottom line, Boss wasn't driving the truck today. Bottom line, no one was driving what they should have been....
Boss is working this week in way downtown for Catholic Social Services. It's been a great week and a learning experience (he fell asleep at 7:30 pm last night with the words, "I need to get back to school; taking care of all these little kids is exhausting." Welcome to my world for the past 18 years buddy!) Anyway, we decided he needed to drive SK's volvo, she would drive Chris' acura (he's in Finland) and I temporarily drove my car--the nicest and newest--I am the Queen. BUT, Boss is supposed to go camping tonight and the volvo might not make it, the acura might get stuck, so I said he should take my car. Plus I knew the mother of the property would confiscate keys! An aside, this was a small relief as when he asked if he could go out to the Howard's property for camping all I could think was "he's going to try to take his truck four wheeling and he doesn't know how!" My wonderful husband thought I was being a little neurotic, but he didn't know me in high school...so back to today. The plan was Boss and I would switch cars before his lax practice and the venture onto camping.
I had a wonderful coffee with a friend that went a little longer than I planned; I had to be somewhere at 3 and my car was on empty. I had planned to fill it up. I tried to call Boss--no answer. I tried to text Boss--no response, and here's where it got interesting. My neurotic 'I can't completely trust this child that I birthed self' kicked in and my finger found the find friends app before I could stop it. It identified that he was in the park (what it failed to identify was the his school is also in the park--a fact I also forgot) and so I went into hyper crazy mom role imagining what he was doing in the park and started following the tracking ALL OVER. As I was driving watching my 'miles to empty' settings go down imaging all the things he could be up to, I was also incessantly calling him--no answer. Fifteen minutes later (and 10 minutes before I was supposed to be at my appointment) he calls, "Sorry I didn't answer I was driving." I began to question, okay shriek, where have you been? This is why we don't trust you." "Mama," he calmly responded, "We had to turn in our journals, and then we went to qdoba." Now, even though he didn't know that I had been zig zagging all over the place like a hamster on a habitrail (those of you who have been through Cherokee Park understand), I felt like I had to save face. "I didn't give you permission to go to qdoba. I need you to get my car; it needs gas, and I need to be somewhere. Your little sister is at school with a headache and needs to be picked up; if I'd known you were going to be there you could have gotten her. I've sent your sister." "Mama," my annoyingly calm child said, "How can I help? What can I do to make this easier for you? I'll meet you right now." (By the way because I'd been following him we were only blocks apart--well maybe you should forget that part.) I sputtered some more, told him I didn't have time to meet him, but then came up with a plan--meet me at my appointment, get my car and my debit card, go get gas, and then leave my debit card at home.
True confessions here--the appointment was my therapist (I know I'm so introverted about what I share with the world that this is shocking to you that I would admit it). I arrive and tell Becky that Boss is going to come get the keys. As I prepare to settle in, debate whether or not to admit how neurotic I've been for the past 30 minutes--I mean who among us didn't take pit stops from one location to another when we were in high school? The beauty for us over 40 was our neurotic parents didn't have an app to track us. Just then, Boss shows up and is POLITE!!! No acting like he's embarrassed that he's picking up keys from his mother's therapist's office, just that annoyingly charming smile, and a "It's nice to meet you." like he's meeting my long lost best high school friend. Now she'll never believe what a s*** he can be!!! But back to me..
My phone was dying so I borrowed her charger and then started telling her all about what was going on in my life, a husband that is constantly traveling, (he's in Finland right now), a child puking in Alabama, a child with a concussion, a charming untrustworthy son, and SK acting like (can you believe it?) she wants to go to college--far away! Not to mention a few other things I won't mention--I do have to keep some things secret. Both of us were trying to ignore the phone that, while on silent,,was blowing up! Session ended--I looked at my phone, said this better be serious and walked out--six missed calls from Boss and three from SK plus a voice mail. "Mama, it's SK. Don't panic but Christopher has been in an accident; he's okay but I have the car insurance in my car so I'm taking it to him." I called Boss said I was on my way and then called SK. "I'm sorry Mama but I forgot to put the insurance back in the car after my accident last week. I know I should have; please don't be mad." Me trying not to imagine the insurance rates climbing and climbing and climbing, "Did you take the insurance out of my car as well?" "No." "He's in MY car" I yelled. SK, "What? Why? Why are we constantly changing cars around? Why does he have your car? This is so confusing. Do I need to even come?" Me, "Just come with the papers; I'll meet you there."
I found Boss; he seemed fine; car doesn't look terrible, but I'm sure it's at least $1000 worth of damage. "Dude, are you sure you couldn't find the insurance in here?" "Mama, I have no idea what that looks like, but I looked through everything and didn't find anything that looks like insurance." I opened the glove compartment determined to show him how completely inept he was and how much I knew. As I opened the glove compartment many things fell out. "Yeah Mama, that was the other great thing. The cop walked up to my car, I opened the glove compartment and your tampons fell out. That was fun to explain. I can't find an insurance card but I have plenty of tampons."
SK arrived; insurance card given and then I realized said child with a concussion was still at school. Second whig out of the afternoon for me--GO GET HER!!!! SK takes off; we finish the paper work. Christopher says, "My neck does hurt a little bit but I have to get to lacrosse. The coach might make me run." My head is about to pop off as I yell, "FOR BEING IN AN ACCIDENT!!! THAT IS INSANE. (Policeman trying not to let me see his belly shaking as he silently laughs) And what about your neck?" "It'll be fine; don't worry. I've got to go." Well I certainly wasn't going to settle for that--I have a child with a concussion; all these injuries are impacting my life!!! We get the neck injury (or possible neck injury) into the accident report and I let him leave with many warnings about what to do if he feels worse, what not to do, and saying a silent prayer of thanks that the truck is stuck in our driveway and not able to go four wheeling (there was a small part of me that felt sorry he wouldn't have that fun--a VERY small part!)...
Keep up here; Boss is now in my car, SK is in the acura and I'm in the volvo station wagon with 174,000 miles on it. As I'm driving home I call Chris, in Finland. He already knows about the accident. I'm doing everything in my power not to begin to beg, "Please dear God just come home." Instead I look down at the dash board and say, "It says no oil pressure pull over what does that mean?" Now Chris bellows, "IT MEANS THAT THE 2500 dollars WE JUST SPENT WERE A WASTE!" Then he calms down and says, "We'll handle it on Tuesday when I get home." (That would be before he leaves again on Thursday--do you hear me whining?)
SK and concussed child arrive home at the same time as I do. Caroline, "What are we doing tonight?" I said, "I'm going to have drinks with Miss Jamie." And I thought, "And I may never come home..." Caroline, "I should come." "YOU ARE 13!!!" We come into the house. SK, "You know today would be the day that the house was locked up. I came rushing home to get the insurance papers and all the doors were locked. They're never locked!" (That would be because no one except me ever locks the doors!) "How did you get in?" "I climbed through the window-what do you think?" (Oh silly me, why wouldn't I think that, because that is a completely normal thing for anyone to do.) I look over see Caroline popping ibuprofen and begin to lecture her about pushing herself with a concussion yadda yadda yadda. Caroline, "I have a lot of homework; I'm stressed about it. I can't let this go." Me, "This is the time you want to start caring about your grades? It's 8th grade--it doesn't count. We don't care; let it go." (who is this crazy woman speaking from my mouth). "Mama, I do care. I've always cared. I just don't act like" Caroline began nodding in SK's direction. SK opened her mouth I thought to defend herself and her neurotic grade obsessed self, but instead she says, "Something smells. I think Avett pooped in the house. You should find that; it smells awful."
Poop found, cleaned up, candle lit for smell, and I left for drinks. It was a great day, and now it's over--oops, no it's not, still have to pick up Alabama puking kid at 1 am...
It all started when my phone rang and a good friend said, "Don't panic if you look outside and see me hanging out around the truck I'm trying to fix the grill on the front and to figure out what's wrong with the tire." This is an important detail--it's really the backdrop of the whole day. The truck is sitting in the driveway because there is "something wrong with the tire" which is code language for "I don't know what the hell is wrong with it, but it won't drive so let's call Walt." Bottom line, Boss wasn't driving the truck today. Bottom line, no one was driving what they should have been....
Boss is working this week in way downtown for Catholic Social Services. It's been a great week and a learning experience (he fell asleep at 7:30 pm last night with the words, "I need to get back to school; taking care of all these little kids is exhausting." Welcome to my world for the past 18 years buddy!) Anyway, we decided he needed to drive SK's volvo, she would drive Chris' acura (he's in Finland) and I temporarily drove my car--the nicest and newest--I am the Queen. BUT, Boss is supposed to go camping tonight and the volvo might not make it, the acura might get stuck, so I said he should take my car. Plus I knew the mother of the property would confiscate keys! An aside, this was a small relief as when he asked if he could go out to the Howard's property for camping all I could think was "he's going to try to take his truck four wheeling and he doesn't know how!" My wonderful husband thought I was being a little neurotic, but he didn't know me in high school...so back to today. The plan was Boss and I would switch cars before his lax practice and the venture onto camping.
I had a wonderful coffee with a friend that went a little longer than I planned; I had to be somewhere at 3 and my car was on empty. I had planned to fill it up. I tried to call Boss--no answer. I tried to text Boss--no response, and here's where it got interesting. My neurotic 'I can't completely trust this child that I birthed self' kicked in and my finger found the find friends app before I could stop it. It identified that he was in the park (what it failed to identify was the his school is also in the park--a fact I also forgot) and so I went into hyper crazy mom role imagining what he was doing in the park and started following the tracking ALL OVER. As I was driving watching my 'miles to empty' settings go down imaging all the things he could be up to, I was also incessantly calling him--no answer. Fifteen minutes later (and 10 minutes before I was supposed to be at my appointment) he calls, "Sorry I didn't answer I was driving." I began to question, okay shriek, where have you been? This is why we don't trust you." "Mama," he calmly responded, "We had to turn in our journals, and then we went to qdoba." Now, even though he didn't know that I had been zig zagging all over the place like a hamster on a habitrail (those of you who have been through Cherokee Park understand), I felt like I had to save face. "I didn't give you permission to go to qdoba. I need you to get my car; it needs gas, and I need to be somewhere. Your little sister is at school with a headache and needs to be picked up; if I'd known you were going to be there you could have gotten her. I've sent your sister." "Mama," my annoyingly calm child said, "How can I help? What can I do to make this easier for you? I'll meet you right now." (By the way because I'd been following him we were only blocks apart--well maybe you should forget that part.) I sputtered some more, told him I didn't have time to meet him, but then came up with a plan--meet me at my appointment, get my car and my debit card, go get gas, and then leave my debit card at home.
True confessions here--the appointment was my therapist (I know I'm so introverted about what I share with the world that this is shocking to you that I would admit it). I arrive and tell Becky that Boss is going to come get the keys. As I prepare to settle in, debate whether or not to admit how neurotic I've been for the past 30 minutes--I mean who among us didn't take pit stops from one location to another when we were in high school? The beauty for us over 40 was our neurotic parents didn't have an app to track us. Just then, Boss shows up and is POLITE!!! No acting like he's embarrassed that he's picking up keys from his mother's therapist's office, just that annoyingly charming smile, and a "It's nice to meet you." like he's meeting my long lost best high school friend. Now she'll never believe what a s*** he can be!!! But back to me..
My phone was dying so I borrowed her charger and then started telling her all about what was going on in my life, a husband that is constantly traveling, (he's in Finland right now), a child puking in Alabama, a child with a concussion, a charming untrustworthy son, and SK acting like (can you believe it?) she wants to go to college--far away! Not to mention a few other things I won't mention--I do have to keep some things secret. Both of us were trying to ignore the phone that, while on silent,,was blowing up! Session ended--I looked at my phone, said this better be serious and walked out--six missed calls from Boss and three from SK plus a voice mail. "Mama, it's SK. Don't panic but Christopher has been in an accident; he's okay but I have the car insurance in my car so I'm taking it to him." I called Boss said I was on my way and then called SK. "I'm sorry Mama but I forgot to put the insurance back in the car after my accident last week. I know I should have; please don't be mad." Me trying not to imagine the insurance rates climbing and climbing and climbing, "Did you take the insurance out of my car as well?" "No." "He's in MY car" I yelled. SK, "What? Why? Why are we constantly changing cars around? Why does he have your car? This is so confusing. Do I need to even come?" Me, "Just come with the papers; I'll meet you there."
I found Boss; he seemed fine; car doesn't look terrible, but I'm sure it's at least $1000 worth of damage. "Dude, are you sure you couldn't find the insurance in here?" "Mama, I have no idea what that looks like, but I looked through everything and didn't find anything that looks like insurance." I opened the glove compartment determined to show him how completely inept he was and how much I knew. As I opened the glove compartment many things fell out. "Yeah Mama, that was the other great thing. The cop walked up to my car, I opened the glove compartment and your tampons fell out. That was fun to explain. I can't find an insurance card but I have plenty of tampons."
SK arrived; insurance card given and then I realized said child with a concussion was still at school. Second whig out of the afternoon for me--GO GET HER!!!! SK takes off; we finish the paper work. Christopher says, "My neck does hurt a little bit but I have to get to lacrosse. The coach might make me run." My head is about to pop off as I yell, "FOR BEING IN AN ACCIDENT!!! THAT IS INSANE. (Policeman trying not to let me see his belly shaking as he silently laughs) And what about your neck?" "It'll be fine; don't worry. I've got to go." Well I certainly wasn't going to settle for that--I have a child with a concussion; all these injuries are impacting my life!!! We get the neck injury (or possible neck injury) into the accident report and I let him leave with many warnings about what to do if he feels worse, what not to do, and saying a silent prayer of thanks that the truck is stuck in our driveway and not able to go four wheeling (there was a small part of me that felt sorry he wouldn't have that fun--a VERY small part!)...
Keep up here; Boss is now in my car, SK is in the acura and I'm in the volvo station wagon with 174,000 miles on it. As I'm driving home I call Chris, in Finland. He already knows about the accident. I'm doing everything in my power not to begin to beg, "Please dear God just come home." Instead I look down at the dash board and say, "It says no oil pressure pull over what does that mean?" Now Chris bellows, "IT MEANS THAT THE 2500 dollars WE JUST SPENT WERE A WASTE!" Then he calms down and says, "We'll handle it on Tuesday when I get home." (That would be before he leaves again on Thursday--do you hear me whining?)
SK and concussed child arrive home at the same time as I do. Caroline, "What are we doing tonight?" I said, "I'm going to have drinks with Miss Jamie." And I thought, "And I may never come home..." Caroline, "I should come." "YOU ARE 13!!!" We come into the house. SK, "You know today would be the day that the house was locked up. I came rushing home to get the insurance papers and all the doors were locked. They're never locked!" (That would be because no one except me ever locks the doors!) "How did you get in?" "I climbed through the window-what do you think?" (Oh silly me, why wouldn't I think that, because that is a completely normal thing for anyone to do.) I look over see Caroline popping ibuprofen and begin to lecture her about pushing herself with a concussion yadda yadda yadda. Caroline, "I have a lot of homework; I'm stressed about it. I can't let this go." Me, "This is the time you want to start caring about your grades? It's 8th grade--it doesn't count. We don't care; let it go." (who is this crazy woman speaking from my mouth). "Mama, I do care. I've always cared. I just don't act like" Caroline began nodding in SK's direction. SK opened her mouth I thought to defend herself and her neurotic grade obsessed self, but instead she says, "Something smells. I think Avett pooped in the house. You should find that; it smells awful."
Poop found, cleaned up, candle lit for smell, and I left for drinks. It was a great day, and now it's over--oops, no it's not, still have to pick up Alabama puking kid at 1 am...
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